Splitsville

SPLITSVILLE U.S.A.

SPLITSVILLE SPIRIT SONG

Brandt: We all wrote this one. I started it. Probably the last song to be written for the album.
Matt: I think we were trying to do something like New Day Rising...
Paul: I thought we were doing the Monkees.

We are Splitsville
We are Radio Hitsville. . . .

This is our theme song
90 seconds long
Took us even less
To create the rest. . . .

Playin' with our toys
Makin' lovely noise
Let's stop playin' games
It's time to learn our names. . .

Capain Dusty. . .
Messiah Kari. . .
Johnny Immaculate. . .
We are Splitsville !
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SIT AND SPIN

Matt: This was one of the first songs we came up with at our first practice. I came up with the chords and started singing the melody on the spot. The song was probably meant as a challenge for us to get off our asses and do something special with our lives. I'm not sure it worked...

Here we are, the best years of our lives
Sometimes it can feel like a puppet show
Soon we'll find it's ordinary time
But that's a scary place I don't wanna go

You took me by surprise
Your colors hurt my eyes

Sit & Spin
We'll all go 'round again
Oh, you sit and spin

Listen here, get off your rockin' chair
Come join my friends and me on our Sit & Spin
We'll have a blast and watch the world fly past
I'll let you have your turn before I begin

Can't wait for you
To finally make it through
While we sit and spin
Oh, you sit and spin
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COME BACK TO THE 5 & DIME,
LARRY STORCH, LARRY STORCH

Paul: Musically, I think, this could have been a damn fine "serious" song. But, alas, we were in full jokester mode at the time. Originally I was going to write it as Come Back to the 5 & Dime, Peter Tork, Peter Tork. (Oy, again with the Monkees?!)
Matt: This was actually the song that got the most airplay off this album. We had fun coming up with all the harmonies, sort of lampooning the "I want my MTV" tagline.

So brave to wear the uniform of a harsh man
And then to carry the olive branch
through the Wild West
And we miss you
And we need you back here
'Cuz you could set things straight
And make television once again great

Come back to the 5 & Dime
Larry Storch, Larry Storch. . . .

On a mission with danger 'round every corner
Wrestling with demons and not to
mention the file cabinet
My hero
Why did you ever leave ?
This is a lonely place
Without your shining, smiling face

Oh, can't you see that your a man
who's got a job to do ?
And if you came back now
you'd have your work cut out for you
We're just tryin' to tell you, Larry
that we've been missin' you
And that this message will self-destruct
in 3 seconds. . . .

Come back. . . .

Don't want my MTV
Just want you back with me. . .

Come back to the 5 & Dime
Larry Storch. . . .
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I WAS A TEENAGE FRANKENSTEIN

Brandt: I meant this to be a "serious" song with an irreverent title. Teen Angst Pop and possible GBW track. Wish I'd played the drums better. Good guitar riff, though.
Matt: I always though this would be a great single. There really is nothing jokey about the song except the relationship between the title and the lyrical content....

I wanted to be lovable
But I guess I wasn't lovable
I wanted to be popular
But I guess I wasn't popular

Now I'm in pieces. . .

I only wanna be a man
But I guess I'll never be a man
If I only had half a brain
Then I'd probably be dangerous

Now I'm in pieces. . . .
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CARTOON BOY

Matt: I was excited about starting Splitsville, so I woke up early on the morning of our first practice and wrote this in bed. The lyrics are meant to reflect the dichotomy between your public persona and your own perception of yourself. If I'm not mistaken this is the only track on USA which has double tracked vocals.
Brandt: Probably the most solidly played song on the album (read: not frantic).

Hey, Cartoon Boy, why do you look so sad ?
You know I hate to see you feelin' bad
I gave you everything that Archie had
Cartoon Boy
Well, do you think your life is such a drag
Because you thought you had it in the bag
When you were star of your own comic mag
Cartoon Boy ?

Well, are you happy now ? Your face is blue
I guess I know just what you're goin' through
And I can't help but think it's my fault, too
Cartoon Boy
You were created with a single line
But you developed nicely over time
Now I don't know what's yours and what is mine
Cartoon Boy

Hey, Cartoon Boy, you look a lot like me
You better check up on your family tree
'Cuz there's much better things for you to be
Cartoon Boy
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ATARI 2600

Paul: Started out, no joke, as a King Crimson-esque prog rock tune. When we started Splitsville, I just dumbed down the time signature, dropped the more complex guitar parts and changed the words. I didn't even have to change the first verse. A remnant of the original "guitar-wonk" pyrotechnics resurfaced as the bass solo lines in the last verse.
Brandt: Still some complex vocal harmonies.
Matt: Every song with complex guitar parts is immediately dumbed down when I play it...

He says he has had enough
She says, "I'm not through with you yet"
And so it goes on and on (so it goes and goes)
And so on it goes

Maybe they could stop fighting
If she gave him back his Atari 2600

He thinks back on all the good old days
When he could beat her high score anytime
She could point her tank and fire at him (with no remorse)
She could fly a plane all day

Space Invaders
Pitfall
Donkey Kong where the ape
looked like the Gingerbread Man
It's a beautiful joystick
And the button is red
Circus Atari
Watch you don't hit your head

(Third verse,
Same as the first !)

Space Invaders, Pitfall
Circus Atari and Wizards of Wor
We can play Breakout
Kaboom and Pong
Tennis and Jai Alai
And Donkey Kong. . . .
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TRINI '93

Brandt: The dumbest song I have ever written and the one that could have clinched Splitsville as a joke band. Somehow we survived. You'd be surprised how often this song is requested live.
Matt: I always thought that if we put real lyrics to this song it would be a hit. That's me cracking up at the end.
Paul: Actually, Matt, I think it's you moaning, "H-h-h-houssse..." (sorry, folks, inside joke...). It's me laughing from back at the mixing board. I hereby take official credit for the "I Am Curious, Yellow" line. Nothing like a Swedish porn reference to underscore the fact that this is not a kids' song at all but an ode on masturbation.

Trini is my favorite Power Ranger
I know she'd rescue me
If ever I found myself in danger
She's always tan
I think she's from Japan
I love her even if she's messin' 'round
With UltraMan

In the afternoons when I get lonely
I turn on my TV
And tune in to my one and only
I stare and sigh
'Cuz I know that every guy
Who sees her fighting giant monsters
Feels the same way I do
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SHRINKY DINK

Matt: Is pretty specific about a relationship I wallowed in for years. I tried to extend the metaphor as long as possible... I think that this is actually one of the least silly songs on the album despite the title.
Paul: On the wall in my brother's basement ( our makeshift studio at the time) hung a souvenir concert pin. It was a little color photo of Paul McCartney with a plastic backing cut to the shape of his silhouette. During the first day of recording Matt leaned over the mixing board and said,"Is that a Shrinky Dink?" The next day he came in with the song completely written.

Last night you cut me out and propped me up
With endless alibis of endless love
You colored me with lies
And melted me with your green eyes
Now I'm a more convenient size

I saw this movie once in black & white
Some poor schmuck sailed into a cloud of light
And just like me he grew
The wrong way than he wanted to
'Til he was less than minuscule

Today I woke up feeling sick of it
I'm no more than a shrinking violet
But when I looked up at your face again
I knew right then
That I would be your toy
Forever. . . .
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GREMLIN WITH MAGS

Paul: Girls and cars -- what else should rock&roll be about? I was trying to write something as gleefully stupid as the Dead Milkmen's "Punk Rock Girl." And I really knew a guy in high school who drove the very car in question.
Matt: I think I came up with the Wipe-out part... could be wrong, though.
Brandt: This song kicks live. We run it into Guided By Voices "Quality of Armour".

I got a Gremlin with mag wheels, Baby
It's the bitchinest car
And with a couple of bucks for gas
We could go real far
Come cruisin' with me, Honey
Forever would be nice
I got Fun Fur on the dashboard
And some fuzzy dice

I got a Gremlin with mag wheels, Baby
It's the baddest of wheels
Put your hands on the chain-link steering wheel
And see how it feels
Come cruisin' with me, Honey
It's such a great release
I got some cigarettes
And an 8-track tape of Grease

This existential misery
All our yesterdays do light
Fools the way to dusky death
So Out ! Out ! Long red light !

Come cruisin' with me , Honey
We'll go wherever we wanna go
And if we're lucky
They'll play some Journey on the radio. . . .
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IMAGINARY FRIENDS

Brandt: Obvious. Written for this album. I was so proud of the drum "solo" at the time.
Paul: If you bother to really pay attention, this lyric is rather disturbing. Menace masquerading as merriment. I dig that.
Matt: Me too.

You can't get blood from a stone
But you can get it from my arm
I carved your name with a razor blade
But I don't mean you any harm

All my friends are imaginary
I see right through them

At night I like to catch fireflies
And I keep them in a jar
I close the lid tight and smother them
So they won't get very far

You can't get blood from a stone
But you can get it from my arm
A hundred million razor blades
Couldn't do me any harm

All my friends are imaginary
I see right through them. . . .
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BRENDA STARR

Matt: This was a melody I had written years ago, but it seemed like a B-side, and we had problems in the GBW's making fast songs rock. The lyrics are idiotic, though you've got to give me props for the "Apartment 3G" reference...
Paul: Great guitar solo by Matt ( on the first take ). That brilliant flurry of notes at the end -- he called it an accident, but it sounded like Eddie Van Halen, so we made him keep it.
Brandt: One of many happy accidents on this album.

Early Sunday morning
The doorbell rings
And I come runnin'
I pay the paperboy
Now I can enjoy
A mighty good read
Oh, Brenda Starr
Now you're coverin' a foreign war
I wish that you'd report
To me

A Technicolor dream
You are the Queen
Bathed in primary colors
I love to see you pout
But you don't put out
Like the girls in 3-G
Is your head really red ?
Do your husbands all end up dead ?
I wish that you'd report
To me

I often think it's cold
That your life unfolds
Next to Nancy and Sluggo's
When really you belong
Upon the front page
This is your destiny
Oh, Brenda Starr
You're a media superstar
I wish that you'd report
To me

They say your 2-dimensional
I think it's almost criminal. . . .
[top]

MR. SPACEMAN (OPUS #3)

Matt: We wrote this at our first practice, just like Shrinky Dink. I think Brandt suggested that we would need a song about a spaceman, like Bowie's "Starman", and he probably came up with the Way Out, Far Out part. The Whaley kids ( Lauren, Mark & Anna) made this piece our first epic, by lending their voices to the ending, and I think that the instrumental ending foreshadows the direction we were heading, from camp to... less camp?!?
Paul: Actually, Shrinky Dink came later (see above).
Brandt: Yes, Matt. I did write the chorus. Another song that was written by the whole band playing off each other. The end is all Paul.

Mr. Spaceman
Can you tell me 'bout your master plan ?
Are you tryin' to conquer Earth again
With your psychoelectric hurricane ?
It's O.K.
Such a groovy ray

You're way out
You're far out

Mr. Spaceman
I dig your platform shoes but where's your hair ?
Love your nuclear-powered underwear
Is your Space Modulator under there ?
It's O.K.
Such a groovy ray

You're way out
You're far out. . . .
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