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  • Ms. Medusa What's this "friend zone" I keep reading and hearing about? 7 months ago   *   6 replies
    • Stuckinla No idea in the context of divorce. 7 months ago
      • Ms. Medusa That's what I thought. I'm beginning to think the friend zone is a magical land where the "rebound relationship" and unicorns reside. 7 months ago
        • Stuckinla What's your current situation if I could ask? 7 months ago
          • Ms. Medusa Let's see... I am 10 months post-divorce, no children, working, own my own place. Trying to figure out the finer points of single life after a 14-year relationship; a lot has changed. 7 months ago
            • Moving_On What's your verdict after 14 years? Are you dating now or just sitting in the sidelines? 7 months ago
            • Ms. Medusa I'm not dating at the moment. I'm just not ready. I got some long-standing damage to undo. Besides, I'm one of those women for whom dates have proved elusive. I'm the friend, not the gf. If I had a verdict I guess it would be that 14 years later nothing has changed and everything has changed. If anything, the biggest change in that the seemingly limitless selection, available almost instantaneously, has made us more dismissive; you're not hot or cool or whatever, I can't show you off to my friends, so bye. And we can be so rude about it. I think people believe they are entitled to perfect, so they overlook good-that's nothing new. I think people have difficulty making the most basic connections. When I met my ex, online dating was in its infancy. Maybe you met online, but you were also meeting people at work, through friends, socially, etc. There was no texting, so you had to plan more carefully. If you really didn't want to go through with a date you stood him or her up. If it didn't go well you either told the person to his or her face, phoned him or her, or never spoke to that person again. Ghosting is not a new phenomenon, we just called it being blown off. It's easier now to ditch someone at the last minute for a better offer, and people think nothing of doing so. I have friends who do that. I've developed a thicker skin as a result. I also don't invite them to things very much anymore or take their invites very seriously. And it's not just technology, it's the culture as well. Where I live, it's very tribal; like connects with like and with nothing else. It was the same way when I was in college, so that's nothing new. I think the smaller the place, the worse it is. If you don't find your tribe, you're going to be spending a lot of time on your own. I don't know. That's just what I've observed. 7 months ago
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