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  • brooklynblue my ex-h and i are thinking about taking our kids on a trip together in april. i just told me bf and he is a little bummed as he thought that maybe we could do something together with each of our sets of kids. seems like doing this with my ex-h for our kids would be a huge gift to them... thoughts? 4 years ago   *   9 replies
    • SallyAlexis It is a really nice thing that you are trying to do here, but it may be confusing to the kids. If you are truly starting over with another person I think that it is best to do that. Just my opinion. When my ex and I were not divorced, just separate, we tried this. There was too much sexual tension, and the kids felt it. 4 years ago
    • AMpr411 I'm agree with sallyalexis.. I think its a great idea but may be if you hadn't a BF, I don’t think its the right decision traveling just with your ex, why don't you include your BF and his kids on the trip? Sounds like you and your ex are very open to be friendly, so in this way your kids wont be confused or having wrong ideas that may be you are trying to get back together as a couple and family, and if you BF can handle it will be an ideal plan. Good luck. 4 years ago
    • Daryll Don't know how long you have been divorced much less with the current boyfriend. I don't off hand see why you and bf can't do something else together at a later date. If he is worried about what you and ex might do on the trip, despite your assurances, that is something he needs to work on. In terms of the trip being confusing or damaging to your kids, I don't know all the circumstances of your divorce, so hard to say. 4 years ago
    • I agree with SALLYALEXIS & AMPR411......and maybe if you had discussed it with the BF first since that's the person your in relationship with now, would have made a difference. He could have told you then that he wanted to travel with you and the kids. Not sure how old the kids are and I understand the "gift" your trying to provide but they must know that you're not with their father anymore and kids are surprisingly able to handle situations, sometimes better than "we" can. Its time to start traveling with the person your with now and let dad make travel time with kids we has them.. I'm sure your BF understands that you and the ex have to make decisions about the kids, but traveling w/ex hmmmm my humble opinion not good. Good Luck 4 years ago
    • thenooge How long have you been divorced? I agree with people who are saying that it's probably not a great idea to travel with the kids and ex-husband. It's hard to say for sure, but I would guess that the kids might get the wrong idea about their parents' relationship. Maybe 5+ years after you've been split up you could try something like that... after the kids really understand what's going on. I guess it kind of depends too on how old the kids are. 4 years ago
    • Unsure If you can do it I think you should, especially for the kids 4 years ago
    • Downtherabbithole I don't know. I have tried this and I just can't. Do your kids want to see you get back together? A whole trip? Really, that's a little much. I feel like a day out or dinner is fine etc but how long until you start to get under each other's skin? You should have your BF go with you either way. 4 years ago
    • SHANNONOW What did you wind up doing? My ex and I do stuff often with kids - day trips mostly. Last summer I invited him to my week long Montauk vacay with kids right before school started. The whole thing was already paid for and he hadn't had a vacay and thought it would be nice for all of us. My lover suggested bringing the ex, thought he might be helpful. He wasn't. He had a great vacation, napping everyday, meditating, sleeping in while I made coffee and got kids bfast. I had to sit him down and explain that since he wasn't helping financially on the trip, perhaps he could help in other ways. It was annoying that I had to spell it out. He's more helpful now and I avoid long trips. 4 years ago
  • AMpr411 How do you erase the bad memories, do you think is it possible to forget and forgive a man that hurts you and puts too much tears in your life? 4 years ago   *   5 replies
    • SallyAlexis I struggle with this too. Sometimes things seem bearable, other times not so much. My ex was extremely emotionally abusive. Said he had fantasies of me dying of cancer...nice one minute and terrible the next. I don't think we can erase these bad memories, just put them in perspective. I went to a counselor for years and we worked on building my self esteem. I learned that the peace has to come from within, not from another person. Sometimes the good memories are more painful than the bad. Thinking back on the "good years" really hurts. 4 years ago
    • thenooge I agree with the counseling recommendation. Almost everyone would probably benefit from counseling, even if they haven't gone through something traumatic like a divorce or abusive relationship. 4 years ago
    • AMpr411 I did courses, seminars, counseling, therapy a little of everything, to know how to be a better person, I read and I work on myself practicing with every person that I have around to be nice and kind in every day of my life. He hasn't broke who I'm or how I see myself, I'm a strong woman, I know what is appropriate or not in a relationship. The problem is sometimes I feel I could give him another opportunity, but all the bad things he put in my memory keeps me aware, I don't trust him as a couple, yes as a person(because he is not a bad soul), but when I try to give him any chance, he does any other kinda stupid thing, not even realizing that hurt me in the pass. 4 years ago
    • brooklynblue try EMDR therapy 4 years ago
  • Danni girl my step daughter is causing a huge part of the stress in our relationship! She throws fits that put babies to shame... she non stop lies and hurts her sister and it has me stressed all day everyday! I know for my husband coming home after a stressful day of work, to a stressful house is not fun but he doesn't realize that I have to live this 24/7 with no breaks... 4 years ago   *   3 replies
    • Karen7142 I have a couple of questions: How old is your step-daughter? How long ago did you marry her father? What is her situation like with her mother? Does your husband talk to his daughter about what is bothering her? I ask all these questions for different reasons. I think that if you consider all the answers you can try to better understand your step-daughter and mend the stressful home situation. I realize that her attitude is putting a strain on your relationship, but try to see things from her perspective. She is young, and her family was torn apart at a young age, and the adjustment into a new family situation is very hard for adolescents. Maybe the divorce (or death) was hard on her and there are unresolved issues and she is acting out in the only way she knows how. Maybe she really is a horror; if thats the case the father should be able to relieve some of the stress on you and set clearer boundaries. 4 years ago
    • AMpr411 Hi Danny girl, I think may be therapy for your step daughter could be a good option, I don't know how is she and how it was the separation of her mom and your husband, but may be she is having troubles being in the middle of two sides. I can tell you that I had that problem with the son of my BF, the mom were just telling the 8 years old kid bad things about his dad and me and my son, (non smart people can do that) I definitely give up, so I don't care what the boy think or my BF, I took my decision of no being around complex people like these, but if you decide to keep your husband I recommend try to help that girl that is asking for attention in the wrong way. 4 years ago
    • Stacy I agree with both of these replies. They both gave excellent advice. I have been in this situation before and it's miserable. The only thing that worked for me was leaving, but I made the mistake of trying to make him take sides against his kids, and that's the worst thing to do. 4 years ago
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