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  • TIMBUKTU she took EVERYTHING. i need to get my place together. ikea…. and….. where else? i need a fucking personal assistant to manage this divorce. when will i have time to do my real job? STRESSED 4 years ago   *   9 replies
    • Daryll I would go easy on it and your bank account. Try Craigslist and maybe Goodwill first. You never know what you might find. I'm lucky so far, I guess. All she has really taken is the bed and the better car, that I am still paying on. I am sleeping on the couch. She didn't even take the kids! I think everything will start falling into place again. I actually started to enjoy my time at work because it was a completely separate space and I could find time to breathe there. 4 years ago
    • Happyhesgone Hmm...I thought I replied to this, but it's not showing up. Craigslist near the end of the month (when leases are up). That's a great time to get stuff that hasn't sold quickly enough that people are anxious to sell. And there's a lot of good stuff, not just junk. The other site is freecycle. I've gotten several things I needed from freecycle. 4 years ago
    • Kate Anthony I redid my entire house (I only took the bedroom furniture) with Ikea, Target and Cost Plus. Not expensive and frankly my house is awesome. The most important thing everyone said to me was, "the energy here is so fresh and so you" and that's all that mattered to me and my son... 4 years ago
    • Unsure Breathe 4 years ago
    • dynamic Next marriage (if there is one), put everything of yours in trust. Put the communal property in trust and you don't have to worry about the court as you will have given your trustee explicit directions, while both of you were level head, of what to do with the contents in case of a divorce. Words from the wise. 4 years ago
    • SOPHIEWHITE I NEED MY EX LOVER BACK TO ME EMAIL whatsapp +1(424)-261-8520 I contacted DR LARRY and he told me that my ex will come back to me in the next 4days, DR LARRY released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. My ex is now back to me again. As I`m writing this testimony right now I`m the most happiest Woman on earth and myself and my boyfriend are living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. All thanks goes to DR LARRY for the excessive work that he has done for me by helping me to get back with my ex boyfriend. I would like to drop DR LARRY website and hope you see this testimony and contact him if you have a lover that you really want back so badly, Email or you can whatspp him on this Number +1(424)-261-8520 9 days ago
    • SOPHIEWHITE I NEED MY EX LOVER BACK TO ME EMAIL whatsapp +1(424)-261-8520 I contacted DR LARRY and he told me that my ex will come back to me in the next 4days, DR LARRY released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. My ex is now back to me again. As I`m writing this testimony right now I`m the most happiest Woman on earth and myself and my boyfriend are living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. All thanks goes to DR LARRY for the excessive work that he has done for me by helping me to get back with my ex boyfriend. I would like to drop DR LARRY website and hope you see this testimony and contact him if you have a lover that you really want back so badly, Email or you can whatspp him on this Number +1(424)-261-8520 9 days ago
  • melisam_1973 After my first divorce I hated the feeling of being alone. I waited about 6 years before I got married for the 2nd time. Now, I'm afraid of the feeling of knowing I'll be alone again. 4 years ago   *   18 replies
    • TIMBUKTU is your second marriage ending? why? 4 years ago
      • TIMBUKTU sorry kind of a dumb question. 4 years ago
      • melisam_1973 Not a dumb questions. It is my second marriage that is ending. We married to soon after meeting, and really knowing each other. I think I married because I was done with being alone.. 4 years ago
        • TIMBUKTU melisam_1973 that's honest!! 4 years ago
          • SallyAlexis I am trying very hard to accept being alone and settle! Somedays are unbearable, but I feel stronger all the time. 4 years ago
            • Casanova44 That is great to hear, Sallyalexis! I agree, some days are unbearable but there is an immense freedom in being alone with yourself, be sure not to take it for granted. In future relationships you'll be able to look back on your experience and the new things you learned about yourself,so be thankful for this time of personal growth. 4 years ago
            • SallyAlexis So true! I could have been remarried by now. Even in a good marriage there is a possibility that one will end up alone if their spouse dies. We need to learn how to be with ourselves exclusively. I worry though, that the longer I am alone, the more I will be unwilling to compromise. Any thoughts on this? 4 years ago
            • Stacy I find this to be true about myself. I've been on my own now for over a decade and recently had a friend start bunking on my couch because she's unemployed at the moment. Let me tell you, it was hell for me trying to get used to sharing my space again. I struggled a lot. I wonder sometimes how I would handle getting married again. 4 years ago
        • JENnI As cheesy as this may sound (and you may not share my beliefs), but I find that when I feel depressingly alone, I talk to God. Not in a crazy, has she lost her mind kind of way, but just simply voice my concerns and talk things through. It's amazing how you can actually feel peace afterwards. In reality, you're never alone... Even if it feels that way. 4 years ago
    • mwaters i'm with someone but still feel very alone sometimes. still miss my marriage after three years. talking to God is the way to go. The only way to go. 4 years ago
      • TDOG whoa @mwaters is bringing it! i hear you....... the whole "being alone" thing is a mirage anyway. not to get to existential but, it's true. 4 years ago
      • Tiffany I agree, it can be hard to be comfortable alone, but it is important, even in a relationship, to be content with just yourself. Talking to God honestly, sharing your heart and needs makes a wonderful difference. Another thing that helps me so much is counting my blessings. I am amazed at how many things I can be thankful for, and then I give credit to the Lord. A grateful heart is the best antidote to depression; which can be much of the problem when we feel lonely. Look around and see the good things...I know it will lighten your heart! :-) 4 years ago
    • Unsure It sounds like it's time for some one on one time with yourself 4 years ago
      • Tiffany One other thing: I used to hate being alone until I had kids. Once I did have children, and my time was all used up, I began to treasure alone time. Time to read, reflect, have a quiet meal, or have fun with a project was really appreciated then. :-) 4 years ago
    • superadmin Spring is cool 4 years ago
    • STACIE Being alone can be a great adventure. I was thrilled to start off anew and on my own. My soon to be ex and I were just drowning in each other and couldn't move forward. Sadly I'm one of those people however that can close their hearts really quickly. I was always pretty independent when I was little. I was willing to wait for the right boy to come along and my first boyfriend eventually did in college. Let's face it, I was a loner most of my life. That doesn't mean I don't need people. I need friends and family like no ones business. I text my father every day when I have my awful waves of fear and emotional turmoil... But before my upcoming divorce I won't lie, I was always living with someone. I didn't have a lot of financial independence and had to live first with my sister, then with roomates, and then it was my soon to be ex husband. I'm not financially stable in any way, but I do live alone and I can pay my rent... I keep track of my spending as much as I possibly can. I struggle, have a lot of credit card debt and sometimes can't pay on time, but I'm always working to improve that and start saving again. I'm finally living the way I always wanted to. I am enjoying this new experience because it is so new to me. So not sure if that helps any, but maybe it does reassure you to know that living alone for a while can be a healing experience. There are days I'm afraid I may never marry again. Days I loose hope, but somehow I do know that everything is going to be ok. I have family and friends. The only big mistake I had was that with all my fight to be alone, someone who had always connected with me in the past and I got involved. It wasn't for fear of being alone, but a creeping desire I tried to fight while I was still married. I am trying to take things slow. I don't want an actual boyfriend right now. Id much rather find myself, but when someone does get to you no matter how hard you try to fight it or how ready or not ready you are, you can't turn it away either. He wants a relationship with me now, I don't. I know this about myself. To be monogamous so quickly when I'm only separated, not ready... But I'm not looking for other men... This guy who has also been my friend for 8 years is what made me break my own rules. I have no idea if we will work out in the end, but I keep hoping we do. He's a guy I couldn't fight being attracted to. He's also someone that I know that isn't a jackass. Ha so maybe I'm fucked, but trust me when I tell you, no matter what happens, we are going to be ok. Hope that helps. 4 years ago
    • mwaters After I got divorced three years ago, I bought every book I could get my hands on that dealt with the subject. One of the books--and forgive me because I can't remember the title--was the work of two researchers. They actually threw some science behind all of their ascertains. They studied the genome of the divorced and were able to come up with some fascinating conclusions. Their first conclusion was that new relationships that begin right out to the gate--meaning before you've had the time to heal alone--are statistically almost always doomed to fail. The failure rate of those second marriages--in which relationships began before any alone time had gone down--had a very, very high rate of failure. The same thing for second marriages. And, as all know, the failure rates for second and third marriages is even higher than for first marriages. HOWEVER, the researchers did find a silver lining: they found that people who had done the hard excavation work of really doing an autopsy on themselves and their marriage fared far better in second relationships. It was those people who spent time in therapy, spent time alone, spent time healing, and, most importantly, spent time examining their own conduct and what went wrong who came out of the whole thing alive, vibrant and primed for a true partnership with another human being. I found all this very sobering. And the book was excellent, first rate. Lots of us get involved in things early but that doesn't mean we can't do the deep excavation. I don't think anyone is doomed and I don't think anyone is saved. I don't believe in black and white when it comes to marriage and divorce. I do, however, believe in the process of honest self examination with the help of therapists and a Higher Power. On paper, it looks like my husband was the bad actor in our marriage. But the truth is I know I played an equal role in our demise. It's painful to have to look at all that but it has prevented me from sabotaging new things that are good. I hate that I'm in mid-life and have to STILL work on myself but I'm getting now that it's a lifetime process. I'll never be cured or solved in relationship. Onward and upward. Amen. 4 years ago
    • OKALONE When I split with my ex-husband I had never lived alone. I went from home to the dorms to a roommate to my ex. I could barely pull myself off the floor when I moved into my first place alone after we split. I think I cried myself to sleep for 3 months straight. It's one of the most painful and scary things I've ever gone through. I made some REALLY horrible dating decisions due to being uncomfortable being alone. 2 years later I love my space and am terrified at the thought of having to share it again, but also scared I will never find someone to share it with. So I definitely understand how your 2nd marriage happened. I try to keep telling myself I would rather be alone than with the wrong person. One thing that has helped me is doing all the things I put off because he wouldn't do them with me - travel, learning to scuba dive, taking up guitar. I'm trying to create the life I always wanted for myself, and hope that in the process I stumble across the person for me. All I can say is, be comforted by the fact that you survived the first time and you will again!!!! You WILL get through it!!! 3 years ago
  • TDOG being honest…… i love being divorced. it does have it's perks. 4 years ago   *   6 replies
    • melisam_1973 I know after my first divorce I love it. 4 years ago
    • Happyhesgone That made me laugh. I love being divorced from him. I like being divorced most of the time. But I'd be very open to remarrying. I realized long ago that I don't hate all men. I couldn't stomach him. It's the person, not the gender. :-) 4 years ago
      • splitter 100% agree. i want to be an a fantastic relationship - whether it's called "marriage" or not. dont hate men at all!!! love ' em. haaa .. 4 years ago
    • KatieA I was happy to be single again after my first divorce. After spending most of my adult life making my own decisions, the endless discussions and compromises became very tiresome. I like feeling free. Remember, alone does not need to equal lonely. 4 years ago
    • Danni girl That's how I felt after my first divorce! freedom! but then the loneliness set in after awhile and then I started missing the company.... 4 years ago
    • mwaters I felt completely liberated and free when I first got divorced. That feeling of shackles off was intoxicating. The sheer relief from exiting a bad situation got me giddy. But then, months and years later, the gravity of what went down set in. Now my feelings are utterly mixed. The end of the dream of a family is no small thing. I think it probably takes a lifetime to process. But by all means, girl, enjoy it and revel in those perks! Because, yes, there are definitely perks. When my marriage was ending, my husband asked me how we could incorporate the best aspects of Divorceds into our marriage. It was actually a great idea. He used to get jealous hearing about what a smashing time his divorced friends were having. Incorporating some of the best practices of divorce--co-parenting, baton passing, discrete free time, own identities--into marriage would probably do the institution a dose of good. 4 years ago
  • melisam_1973 I've seen this divorce coming for years. I live in Chicago and don't make enough to live on my own so my only choose at this time is return to my small town to stay with family. Maybe this is a good thing? To be someone different to clear my head? 4 years ago   *   9 replies
    • Danni girl I would love to have some place to go and clear my head! I say go for it!!! 4 years ago
    • AMpr411 Hi MelisaM_1973 I believe its better to go back, to have the impulse to look forward, sometimes living in a castle but miserable its worthless... If your family supports you in the small town and you will have enough to survive, I would say go for it too!.. :) 4 years ago
      • melisam_1973 My parents have expressed to me that they would love for me to come back home. I just feel like a big fat failure. 4 years ago
    • Happyhesgone Hi Melisam. I'm a little confused where you are with your divorce. Are you saying moving back home to figure this all out, or move back home after the divorce is final? Moving back with your family might not be your only choice. Have you considered staying in Chicago and getting a roommate for a little bit, at least until you have enough to live on your own? Sometimes when you move back home after a divorce, your parents tend to treat you as "their little girl" again...which is exactly what you don't want, because you're an adult. It's nice to be taken care of for a week, but after that, the novelty wears off and their behavior can be really irritating. And if you haven't divorced yet, parents are the first ones to tell you how you 'should' handle something--which may not be how you want to handle it at all! Might be nice to just go visit for a week with them if you can, and see how they treat you in that short time. 4 years ago
      • Happyhesgone Sorry...don't know where that link came from! 4 years ago
        • splitter it's doing a weird hyper-link thing... anyway, sometimes hanging with our own parents to like going back to the scene of the crime. unless you cab really just hide under the duvet and your mom will bring you soup. 4 years ago
    • dswishe Melisam - I moved back home for a few months while my divorce was being finalized, and it was the right choice for me. I'm an artist, so I was in a similar financial boat to you, and being able to NOT focus on that aspect and just focus on who I am and what I want was very comforting and helpful. 4 years ago
    • JENnI I think your fam is going to be your best support at this time (other than God, of course). If you have family that you're close to and will help you out, I'd say you're truly blessed! 4 years ago
    • dynamic You have (or had seeing the age of this post) more than 2 choices. You can always get a roommate and move out. Chicago is awesome (cuz I live here too)! Why let someone else control your happiness or choices. I'd rather go homeless than stay in a bad situation...actually, that's exactly what I did! Greatest choice I've ever made, hands down. If you have friends, then you'll never truly be homeless. Even then, you could move in with someone else who already has a place. You're only limited by your imagination. You only live once. What's a little homeless adventure in one of the greatest cities in the world?! 4 years ago
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