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  • KatieA Has anyone here faced this situation: my husbands grown son and family moved close to us a year ago and I have become attached. I'm convinced our marriage is over but don't want to lose my relationship with the son and grandkids. Any words of advice? 5 years ago   *   6 replies
    • TDOG i JUST saw an article about this...... hold on let me find. 5 years ago
    • Karen Kozlow You poor thing... I don't have advice on the situation, but I do know about relationships that are affected by a divorce in some way, and the thing is, life is short. If you think someone's wonderful and want to be there for them, no one can ever have enough of a gift that wonderful. Even if it's hard, don't give up, that's a lucky son to have you. 5 years ago
    • thenooge You can probably get a divorce and still be friends with the son and his family. That probably sounds weird, but why not? You, your husband, and his son are all adults. You could see the son and his kids without seeing your husband. This is a little different situation but... my parents have been divorced for a while, and everyone is pretty much friends -- parents, step-parents, kids, grandkids, whatever. 5 years ago
    • AMpr411 Katiea, I'm agree with THENOOGE, I don't see the problem of you being around his son, I believe if you are honest and talk to him about your concern that you don't want to stop watching or sharing with them, if the love you same way that I can see you love them I don't think they will have any problem, and if your husband is a little uncomfortable with the whole situation, just give them some time and share with them when he is not around. Good luck and Happy Holidays! 5 years ago
    • Mr. Mag 357 As the TheNooge and Ampr411 said...the son being grown helps a lot...he's been through a relationship and shouldn't discard the bond you have just because your relationship with his pop's is dismantling...hell he's probably on your side. 5 years ago
    • Realname Don't lose touch with them. They are family. My stepfather left and was the only dad I knew. It was painful. Your relationship with them is not contingent on your relationship with your spouse. They will probably feel hurt if you don't stay in touch. 3 years ago
  • KatieA Any suggestions on how to deal with a spouse who is so needy that it makes me feel trapped? Before we got together, he took care of himself just fine, but now he whines and acts incapable if he has to make a meal for himself or put his clothes away... I feel like his maid/mother and this has squelched any sexual desire on my part and I think I want to leave this relationship. 5 years ago   *   10 replies
    • Tango Sounds like a putz. Stop babying him. 5 years ago
    • Danni girl you have to put your foot down and just stop doing the things for him that he can do himself! your only making it worse is you allow it to continue... 5 years ago
    • Karen7142 That is a total turnoff! Tell him how you feel and he should be able to change. If not, then mooove on. 5 years ago
    • AMpr411 Is he sick or has anything that makes him act different now? or is he just that type of man that wants you to serve him? if is that, I would say talk to him, ask for help, give him straight tasks, like: "honey would you help me to take the trash outside?"or "baby I need your help would you cut the tomatoes for this salad?, my hands are full" in a nice way but not begging or complaining. if he doesn't want to help you.. run Katiea run!! :) 5 years ago
    • ardentdreams I would pick a weekend and just leave. Not for good, of course. Go pamper and enjoy yourself but leave post it notes up so he isn't completely clueless. He has no choice but to fend for himself and will prove whether or not he is spoiled or truly needs you. 5 years ago
    • Unsure As long as my husband is bringing in the majority of our income he expects this and sometimes it's just easier to go along with it. 5 years ago
    • REASONPASSION As an attachment theorist, I'm always frankly fascinated by the criteria people use for feeling "trapped." Often what one considers smothering, another will feel adored and vice versa. Without going into the various forms of attachment, a good trick of the relationship trade is to determine what helps you feel safe/content/secure. Start with generalities, as in what does it mean for you to feel safe/content/secure. People have different ways of expressing that at the feeling level. Then start making a list, with your husband, of what particular actions contribute to that feeling. It's important to start small and always, always, be willing to go back and add, or better, remove items. So often there's an ease in the doing that we lose sight of what the doing is about. When the harbor is lost in fog, we can make all sorts of turns and never find it. 4 years ago
    • dynamic As an alpha, I understand those beta tendencies. If you're not married and don't have kids, leave. Women (in general) find a needy man extremely unattractive and for good reason. So you have two choices in my book (or three really if you combined them). Get direct and tell him his neediness is an issue; leave him (really the best idea because you're missing out on better men) or tell him you're going to leave if he doesn't stop acting like a bitch. You can't where the pants and panties. That's one sided. Unfortunately, betas don't get it and may take time to change...a long time. Are you willing to wait? I was never needy but being a beta is being a beta, been there, done that, never going back. 4 years ago
      • Mister_e It is very draining when you feel like you need to be the caregiver for your spouse when she feels like she can't do simple tasks. My wife basically took care of herself and is fully capable and smart. However, she goes on long emotional "benders" where she freaks out how she can't even tie her shoe for some unknown reason. I feel like I'm a service animal for her at times and just waiting within earshot so I can run into the room and help her turn on the computer for the 5th time this week. Look, I don't mind being helpful but this is ridiculous. I am not doing things for myself because I am making myself readily available to come to the "rescue". What kills me even more is when I try to help her she yells at me that she can do it. Even though the last 15 minutes shes in tears because she says she can't. So I walk away and then she freaks out because I'm not helping her. WTF. Wow. When I run through these things in my head I know its f'd up but I seem to forget it the next day like Alzhiemers. Now that I'm typing this out so I can actually reread my thoughts I am really realizing I am the one that needs his head checked for being here after almost 20 yrs of this emotional abuse. 1 year ago
  • ardentdreams I love you but...the sex has declined. Its not that its not good. He lasts. He is strong. Its just I don't get in the mood anymore. Maybe because he wants to do it non stop. I just can't find myself wanting him and its sad. He is attractive but physical attraction isn't enough. Perhaps it is because he isn't mentally stimulating me? 5 years ago   *   11 replies
    • brooklynblue respect is sexy. for women at least..... what can you ask him to do for you that would increase your respect for him and thus your desire? 5 years ago
    • Karen Kozlow have you ever tried a night at a hotel? the app "hotel tonight" offers great last minute (like, tonight) discounts, maybe you could try that out on a friday or a saturday... 5 years ago
    • AMpr411 Ardentdreams, making love is an art, some people they don't realize it yet, I think couples needs to keep fire always up, mentally and physically, games, dating, innovating as two people meeting first time, but of course take two to tango, I would say talk to him and start a naughty plan together, being accomplice, I think if you can be very honest with him, you both could do a list of things that turns you on or off, share it and compromise in modify together the new behavior. Good Luck, have fun and do something before its too late. :) 5 years ago
    • thenooge Foreplay? Watch a porn? Have him do something for you that he normally doesn't do? If it's just that you've gotten into a routine and it feels "stale" there are ways to spice it up. But if it's that you're not emotionally attracted to him, maybe there's a bigger issue. The best thing to do is to talk honestly about it, maybe go to a marriage counselor. Counseling isn't just a last resort; it might help with a variety of issues before it's too late. 5 years ago
    • ardentdreams We have done the toys, roleplay, porn, etc - all of that is so boring to me. I just want him to simply make love - not just worry about his own satisfaction, clean me up, get off and go back to playing his video games. It's sad that I have to plead with him to just show affection. Thats all. Nothing extra is needed but he is selfish. So I just go along with it and he seems happy enough but each day my wants is dwindling away. Counseling would be awesome. That's possibly my last chance before I see this relationship go out the door. Thanks for the ideas! 5 years ago
      • Unsure If you do decide on the counseling I wish you all the luck. Unfortunately I've been there too and eventually you just become numb, complacent, and resentful. It's not a good place to be, mentally or physically. 5 years ago
    • 12345 ARDENT DREAMS!!! what's the latest? 4 years ago
    • london I was having this problem recently, any changes yet? 4 years ago
    • dynamic Wow, has nobody actually read what was said. The issue isn't sex, it's a lack in mental stimulation! Suggesting anything sexual is futile and merely a temporary fix to the clearly stated underline problem. The only sexual thing that would satisfy her is sex from a man who has mentally stimulated her. Then she'll be back in balance in terms of simulations: mental, physical, emotional. 4 years ago
  • dswishe The thing I miss the most? Our dog. He got her, and now isn't speaking to me. (I was the leaver, so I do understand why) It breaks my heart because she was the one who stayed with me when he was out of town/ out of the country/ didn't care. I know its not the same as a child, but to me, that's my daughter. 5 years ago   *   10 replies
    • ardentdreams Pets become our children. Although you are the leaver, I feel you deserve your dog. Its heart breaking when people split and there's a factor in between like a child or pets. 5 years ago
      • brooklynblue i totally hear that and for some reason the "leaver" isnt entitled to their "half". why is this? #victimculture 5 years ago
        • porcupine I agree, because in some cases the "leaver" is just reacting to an impossible situation. Besides which, everyone knows the game where one person in the relationship intentionally behaves badly to force the other to do the "leaving." 4 years ago
    • JENnI You have every right to your pup! Its crazy how they become a part of our families, but they do! They can be the most dependable source of comfort sometimes. I'd say fight for her- You have the right to! 5 years ago
    • SallyAlexis This breaks my heart. I would be lost without my dog. I sure hope this changes for you :(. 5 years ago
    • KatieA That happened to me years ago, but the dog was his already when I came into the mix. Broke my heart. Try to work out a visit schedule or offer to dog sit so you can continue your relationship with your pup. 5 years ago
    • Karen Kozlow I feel so bad for you... You know, I have several friends who have a dog custody agreement. Especially if one person is going to be traveling, why pay to board the animal or have a caretaker? It's NOT silly to ask for such a thing. It's how the modern world works. 5 years ago
    • Danni girl when your alone so much of the time, you really have no control over becoming attached to the only living being that's always there.... I hate when ppl try to say pets cant mean as much to you as humans/children, because they can an do for some ppl... I feel bad that you are feeling that lose! I hope you find peace... :/ 5 years ago
    • AMpr411 DSWISHE, he doesn't want you to keep her? he doesn't want you to take care of her when he is out of town? I understand your feeling: a dog is as special as a person, if you can try to agree with him that you want to share time to see her, if he is completely irrational or still too hurt because you left him and you see that he is that type of resentful person, I would suggest go to a shelter and safe a doggie's life, they are many in need as you are for you other dog. Good Luck, I know you will find a beautiful dog if your ex doesn't want to cooperate. 5 years ago
    • Unsure I'm so sorry. That is heart breaking 5 years ago
  • dswishe I'm not going to lie to you by saying I wish I wasn't divorced. I absolutely AM! But seriously, what's up with needing to mark a "divorced" box in medical information, etc? What the hell is the difference? I'm single. Please check to see if I have strep throat. 5 years ago   *   10 replies
    • ardentdreams I guess its for liability purposes? I find it completely ridiculous as well. Its not like you need to constantly advertise being divorced but it seems EVERYTHING asks for your marital status. 5 years ago
    • lmaazel Damn , i get that.... why is my marital staus anyone;s business ?if there is a emergency contact - whats the point ? 5 years ago
    • JENnI Haha! That's the best post I've read on here. "I'm single. Please check to see if I have strep throat." That's an excellent question. I'm guessing its for insurance purposes or something of that kind, but I'm totally with you on this. Just fix what's wrong dangit! 5 years ago
    • KatieA I don't get the difference between single and divorced - either way no one is responsible for the doctor bill but me! And it won't change the diagnosis! 5 years ago
    • Danni girl Sooooo true!!! lol nosey ass GOVERNMENT tryin to keep tabs!!! 5 years ago
    • AMpr411 haha so true.. I always put that I'm single, that's what I'm. I never used his last name I never changed my single last name, I'm still same or may be a little better person than before or after getting married!! 5 years ago
    • Stacy Good point! I'm guessing it's a hold over from a by-gone era? It sounds like something that needs to be updated! Maybe they could just ask married/not married, or just say "if married, name of spouse", kind of thing? I understand they often want contact information in case of emergency, or next of kin, but yeah, "divorced" as a selection option is really antiquated! 5 years ago
    • Unsure This gave me a good laugh, thank you. 5 years ago
    • TDOG i am 100% with you. 5 years ago
    • dynamic "I'm single. Please check to see if I have strep throat." LOL! The reason the question is asked is for statistical reasons. At the moment you say why, but when doctors are able to give statistical facts about the health of people and there is a categorical link such as divorce, where do you think they get these numbers from? The gov already knows you're divorce because it's a state (gov) process. You don't have to check it. It's not required under discrimination laws. However, how did these discrimination laws (the not so obvious ones like race) come to be? Someone saw a pattern. 4 years ago
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