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sadlee
Finding this site has made me feel less alone and possibly understand my emotions! Maybe we marry sometimes out of convenience and just don't give enough thought to the future and the pain it can bring to both parties. Married 25 years ago!, my husband has been struggling with our (lack of) sex life because I'm just not into him. Or am I just not into sex? I don't think that's the case. Have had lots of lovers in the past and I know the ones I've really desired and had passion for. Met my husband (in the midst of strange transition in my own life) and just a few months later we were off and married. I was pregnant by first wedding anniversary. My clock was ticking. I was 35. He's ALWAYS wanted way more than I did. I did my best to do as he desired, but after daughter was born I rapidly lost all interest. 3 years later we had a son. Perfect family. I had the perfect life. Didn't work outside the home, always stayed with the kids. Financially set. Loved being housewife, mother, and had the luxury of doing anything I wanted. Just had less and less desire to be with my husband. He was always into pornography, and simply didn't get enough of me or sex. Now kids gone from home, I have no excuse, but am just miserable. Everyone cannot imagine why I'd be miserable. Why I would want to leave my perfect situation. I sought a lawyer, discussed divorce as the "constant conflict" was killing he and I both. I "chickened out twice" afraid of divorce, afraid of change after so very long and didn't want to "hit him" with the thought that I wanted to leave the marriage. Meanwhile I find out he's been "online dating and exploring" but not "acting on" these women for himself. Then he "met someone"and filed for divorce at Christmas time. Said he "couldn't cheat on me". I was floored. I am packing up and heading out of here to be close to family. Why am I in shock? I was the one seeing a lawyer a month before he filed. We were both miserable. Am I just selfish? Do I want him to stay in the marriage even though we are both miserable? Both very unhappy. We have been "in the process of divorce" for 3 months. How long will this take? When does the pain end? I'm hurt mostly that he didn't discuss with me before "shopping for a replacement", then when he finds one, that's when he files. It just hurts.