Hello. First time postimg. I am married for 17 ueats with 2 kids. The marriage has always been easy. Several months ago i had an affair...much to my surprise. Huge emotional connextion and physical relationship outisde of my marriage. It was a choice. I followed my heart. The relationship was brief, highly emotional, and its ending was really emotionally traumatic for me. It broke me. Several months of therapy has allowed me to realize that i was open to the affair because my marriage has little or no intimate emotional connection. I have realized that my husband has never been emotionally available and has not really participated in the marriage. Since he and i discussed this (BTW he does NOT know about the other relationship) he has committed to becoming a better version of himself. I feel like im not interested. Its too late for me. I want something different. I dont want to feel suffocated in a marriage anymore. I want to create my own story. I want to see other men. I want the emotions that felt with the other man! Im afraid ill never feel that agin. I know i wont feel it in my marriage.
Im nervous to leave the marriage. Concerned for my kids and the overall impact. Trying not to care what other people think. Frustrated that society thinks we should be married forever.
I have not agreed to go to marriage counseling. I dont think it will help. I feel an aversion to my husband , and i feel mad at him.i want out almost all of the time, but worry if this could be a temporary feeling. 8 months ago i was living life with my head in the sand. The other guys stirred feelongs that i barely knew i was caoable of...and my wants and needs have changed.
(The other guy, by the way is no longer an option. He made it prefectly clear that he wants nothing to do with the break up of a family...so i am trying to clear him of my mind...although i think of him daily.) Can anyone relate to this?