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“Divorce isn't such a tragedy. A tragedy's staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce.” - Jenn Weiner

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  • kiki 2016 Hi guys I’m new here . I am 44 years d and have been married for 19 yrs with two kids & amd 10. I have never been in love with my husband . I got married young and well just thought that’s what you do. We traveled and had fun vacations along with few break ups . The passion is gone . I feel zero affection toward him. I avoid sex at all cost . I don’t even like for him to touch me in anyway it’s uncomfortable. I know that sounds crazy and not at all how a marriage should be. I want to leave him but it’s so hard to tell your husband of nearly 20 yrs you are not attractive or in love with him. I just want to be in love . Life is too short not to be . He is a good guy and a very good dad . But not who I want to spend the rest of my life with . Advise please 11 days ago   *   9 replies
    • HappySouL New here, but feel this board is a wealth of support. I’m in the same boat as you -college loves, first relationship, good dad and husband. Together over 20 years, married 13. I’ve been out of love with him for 7-8 years. I’ve been trying to force myself to feel something, that is just not there. I always thought with effort, it would come, but I could never give more effort than my heart, body, and mind allowed me to. I started therapy a few weeks ago.. the more I think about leaving, the more it makes sense. Not fair on either one of us. I am scared out of my mind for my kids and being alone, but I’ve felt alone emotionally, spiritually, and sexually, for years. As for advise - do you have any desire left for him at all? Are you happier when you are with him or by yourself? I think time is the one thing that has helped me come to my thought process. 11 days ago
      • kiki 2016 Hi HappySoul, No I have no desire left for him at all. I am happier when I am alone . But so scared for the kids and I. He will always be there for them I’m not concerned about that at all. I just like him as a friend not a husband . Attractive and sex isn’t everything but I want that in a relationship. My husband even knows that I don’t enjoy sex but he doesn’t think it is him. And he is willing to deal without that in our marriage just to be together . It’s so hard to be honest and tell him. I don’t like to hurt people . Like you said it’s not fair to either one of us . 10 days ago
        • HappySouL Same here, Kiki. I see my spouse just as a friend. I can’t picture intimacy with I’m anymore. We’ve gone back and forth so much over the years, and argued.. we even separated for a bit. Nothing changed. Once I said I was seeing a therapist, he started to change his ways (wasn’t a happy person, yelled at the kids, etc). I’ve seen a new man for a few weeks now, but I’m so far gone. I know I have a high sex drive too, but never with him. It’s such a struggle to do what’s right for us vs. what society deems right. I see my therapist this week. Will let you know what he says. Might be of help :) 10 days ago
          • kiki 2016 That’s funny my husband tried changing his ways too. He often yells at the kids and I disagree with that. There are some there ways to approach a situation than yell. I fell like I have a high sex drive too but not with my husband . I cringe when he touches me . We have done therapy too but I feel like I know it’s over so I don’t care to go. If I’ve never been in love with him for 22 yrs it’s not going to happen now. We have split too over the years . Keep me posted look forward to hearing from you after your session . 10 days ago
            • HappySouL We lead parallel lives! May I ask, if you split a few times, what brought you back together? I will keep you up to date. It does sound like we are in the same boat! 10 days ago
            • kiki 2016 We do live parallel lives. 5 years after we married he left me for 8 months . He left me the house he got an apartment. He always said he would come back but needed time apart. I was young so I’m like okay so we got back together . He has always been a drinker and I didn’t like it . Now unfortunately he just found he had a chronic bladder disorder in which he has to avoid A LOT of items including alcohol. So he isn’t a very happy person . I can’t just stay with him Bc I feel sorry for him . I’m going to be 45 I want to live the next 20 yrs in love . I wish we could exchange numbers or something can we do that on here!! 10 days ago
            • HappySouL hi Kiki! We should!! Apt soon.. will let you know how it goes! 10 days ago
            • HappySouL Hi Kiki! I sent you a ‘neighbor request’ - not sure how that works, but I think we can message each other. I’ll fill you in on my appointment yesterday :) 9 days ago
            • kiki 2016 I’ll take a look at that and see if I can figure that out . Talk soon 9 days ago
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