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strugglecity
How much arguing is too much? At what point do you call it a breakup, even if you both really love one another?
9 years ago * 4 replies
User reported
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REASONPASSION I think it's important to first see how "breaking up" is being seen as potentially contrary to "still in love." There is rarely a clear point at which love ceases, often those who believe it happened, were they to look closer, are likely to see that it stopped long ago or surprisingly may still exist in some way. Love can, and here's the rub in being human, still exist even after a particular relationship form ceases. The question then becomes what form of love is the current relationship manifesting? Is arguing daily the form of love that you want? Is arguing weekly? How about hourly? 20 min a day? 6 hours a day? The questions could go on and on. Once the mentality is shifted away from love being contrary to arguing or to breaking up, then consideration can more easily be given to how love is to be built, sustained and continued. If the form it's in isn't the love you want, then the answer to breaking up is already found. 9 years ago User reported
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strugglecity That's an interesting way of looking at it. In my former relationship my boyfriend literally stopped loving me. I asked him if he even still wanted to be together and he said he was "indifferent." Made THAT decision easy! I guess now that I realize love and arguing aren't mutually exclusive, I can try to work on arguing less in the hopes that it will strengthen the love that we do share. It's a ton of work, but most relationships are. It's work that is 100% worth it though, in my opinion, if you have a good thing. 9 years ago User reported
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dynamic This is a great perspective. I'd add that arguing may not be the issue, but why are YOU arguing? What stimulus is causing you (not you and him, just you) to argue. If we agree that no one can make you angry, then we are letting ourselves get angry. I remember in a past relationship that my girls very "annoying" at times because she played too much. I remember stopping and asking myself what in her actions were causing the feeling of annoyance in me? One the question was asked and the answer earnestly found, she was never annoying again. Other people are generally not the problem, it's our reaction to them. If you find the issue of getting angry to be flawed, lend me your memory and ask yourself when is the last time you hand an argument with a child (whether your own or not)? Generally a relationship is a mirror (though some insist it's glass). B) 9 years ago User reported
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stuck Great question! My husband and I have had a fairly tumultuous relationship (dated 6 years, married almost 3), but always stuck through it.. and even when I had the "I think I want a divorce" talk a couple months ago, I told him I'd still want to be friendly, I do love and care about him but we just do not work well together - I think back to all the times over the years when we *should* have just broken up and it would have been easier. And reading other websites that talk about divorce, they all make it seem like if you still love each other than you should be working it through and that it's worth it and blah blah blah.. but isn't it better to get out before you completely resent and hate each other, especially if you plan on maintaining mutual friends and your families love us/each other? 9 years ago User reported
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