-
Flower
I am 27 married with two children - we started dating after I split with my childhood sweetheart and still to this day the love of my life... it was fun for around 6 weeks - then after a few months I discovered he had been having an affair - I faught for my own self esteem but then realized I wanted out and desevered better. I then discovered I was pregnant and after lots of thinking I decided I couldn't terminate the pregnancy and for my own mental state it was best to keep the baby. At first he didn't want anything to do with us which I was prepared to do alone. However he decided to step up and he is now a brilliant father, provider, support and husband. I struggle to know I did not choose to have children with him or set up a life with him but wanted to at least try for the sake of my children. He loves me deeply but I wish I could feel the same for him. There is nothing I can ask him to do that would help how I feel - we have been together for 9 years and I decided to give it a go to create the stable family home that I had growing up. I have always known I am not attracted to him and that I have never felt like I did for my childhood sweetheart since but at times I have been focused on my young children and that reality is not how I imagine. My parents have recently split which has affected me greatly and I now feel lost and trapped in my marriage- I crave freedom but also the feelings of deep love for my partner but I am so frightened that it doesn't exist forever any more - it pains me to think my decision will impact on my children however I am so unhappy and on antidepressants and know that I can't just magically appear feelings of love and attraction to him and forever is a long time to pretend. I am reliant on him financially and just feel so trapped. I plan to earn my self some more money to give myself some more responsibility and income. I don't know what to do and am looking for advice from anyone that has been in my situation that is now on the other side either way. I have become very aware of my sexual desires lately but they do not involve my husband. Please help me!