- mari i had been planning to get divorced for awhile. married 5 years, and things just not going well. then i decided to try and recommit and try harder. so then my husband decides he doesn't want to do it anymore, and i found myself convincing him to try as i was trying. The only thing is, every time i try to have talks about what we maybe need to talk about to get better, he gets upset, and defensive. he is a broken record of complaints about me. I have never heard so many complaints about me in my entire life. he has been hurt by a lot of people and i feel some of how he never handled that hurt is being transfered onto me. i'm trying to listen to the complaints and make sure i acknowledge them and also work on them, but at a certain point I kind of feel we are just in different head spaces emotionally and that there is no hope. he talks to me in a way that just makes me sad. saying what i am "capable of" or "not capable of". So as long as i don't rock the boat, by asking the deeper questions he is all in, but the moment i ask a more serious question, he gets really emotional. I rarely get to talk about my needs. but i do care about him and don't want to leave him in lurch. but frankly i'm starting to worry about my own sanity in all of this.