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Hummingbirds
I have been married 10 years, and out of those 10 years, 6 have been sexless. The last time we had sex was to procreate our son. I wanted to have sex during pregnancy, he didn't, sometimes I didn't, what made him attractive before was his body but now he is a ball, and for a long time dismissed my petitions for him to lose weight. Just picture being married to someone that looks a lot older than you, bad mood, just talks about his work and nothing else, fat, not attractive face. Also, we are economically well, everything paid for, yet I feel like I am alone in trying to deal with our son's food allergies. He recently bought a $120k lot all cash, yet claimed he didn't want to pay $3k for special medical tests for our son because he didn't want to get out a $3k loan. I want sex, but not with him. I remember that on our wedding night I told him that I was tired, and let's wait until the next day when we arrive at the nice hotel in the countryside. I think in hindsight, I got married to him to get out of my narcissist parents'house, so I was close to suicide, and was stuck with my University thesis not being able to move ahead. Our honeymoon wasn't really filled with honey either. I think the answer is divorce, however being Christian it is hard, besides what society says. What scares me is that I don't work, and I know that to follow through with divorce I will need to start working. We live in the countryside, I have no siblings, I feel alone. Sorry for the rambling. And yes, to complicate things further, a year ago my University crush added me as a friend, and after a year of getting to know his way of thinking, what he likes, dislikes, etc, I am completely head over heels for him, and I think it is mutual. We have sexted, however at the same time I know he sees everything I post because he is the first friend on my list (even more so than my best friend and husband). My gut feeling is that he doesn't want me to get confused, and doesn't want to get involved in any way until I get out of my marriage. He really does seem like a better match for me. Ten years of marriage is not easy for just anyone, no one is perfect. However I can't envision a sexless marriage with me just masturbating, when I could finally have the fullfilling marriage that I deserve. I think in ten years of marriage, we probably had sex like what, 20 times maximum?! Ughhj