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Horridwife
I have been with my husband between dating and marriage for nearly nine years. I was 21 when we first started dating. I had a habit of going between complete assholes and nice guys I wasn't really into. I chose the latter for my husband. I have never truly been physically attracted to him. I ignored this and pursued marriage for the safety factor. My eye wandered even when we were dating. I even called a guy (sorta drunk) early in our relationship, admitting I had a crush on him. I ignored every sign that I just wasn't into him. I wanted to be married so badly, I put all my energy in that, even though I hesitated even when he proposed. Fast forward to right before the wedding, I ended up messing around with a friend of a friend and then just pretended it didn't happen and went through with the wedding. Fast forward again, I graduated law school and was finally able to think about my life. I noticed my lack of attraction to him. I force myself to have sex with him. I changed jobs, hoping that that was the problem and I'd be happy with a different job. But I changed jobs twice now and I'm still unhappy. I knew it was inevitable...I slept with someone else. I have no feelings for this other person but I finally felt desire again in almost a decade and that snapped my attention to what was really going on. I've been in therapy for six months processing some crap from my past, and it all came to a head when I finally admitted that I wasn't really in love with my husband and I have no physical attraction to him. I came home yesterday and spilled the beans. We argued (we never argue) for a couple hours before he booked a hotel...reluctantly. I know he wanted me to convince him to stay but as I told him, I was willing to leave if he didn't. I needed space and still do. I cried for hours because I didn't want to hurt him, not because I'd changed my mind. The truth is that he is a perfect husband in every way. I'm just not physically attracted to him and I can't make myself. I've only talked to my best friend and mom and they think I owe him a chance to try and fix things through therapy. I don't think therapy will magically conjure up some feelings for him that were never there. I guess my question is how long do I need to give it before I can just call it quits? I feel like I owe him the chance but in my head, there's just no chance there.