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Judie
New to this! Separating after 33yrs of marriage. I was married at 21 and have never lived on my own. I find myself at 54yrs of age facing a completely different life to the one I expected. I know I have to get through this and that I will hopefully find a happier way of living but feel very sad for what I've lost and terrified about facing an uncertain future on my own. My husband feels "relieved" and wants the separation to be amicable and is behaving as though we are still friends. (We are currently still living under the same roof as until the family home is sold neither of us can afford to move out - but that's another story!) I am finding it very difficult because I don't feel the same as him. I am deeply sad and very hurt. I don't know how to be around him and just try and avoid him as much as possible. There is so much to talk about but I just can't seem to face him. I don't want to be difficult and cause problems but he needs to understand that it's not quite as simple as he thinks.
Any advice on how to begin negotiations about separation settlement without causing conflict or letting emotions cloud my judgement? I need to look after myself, but don't want to rip the family apart arguing over money. My husband was a director in a family business and the business always came first - i.e. A workaholic!. I was a home maker for ten years and subsequently had a low paid term time only job as I was the principal carer for the children while my husband worked every hour available! I therefore have not had the opportunity to pay into a decent pension. My husband has made some questionable financial investments which have basically lost all the capital we had. His business has gone bust and we have lost everything except the family home. I have recently embarked on a teaching career and although I now have a steady income it is on the lower end of the pay scale as I am only in my second year. I will not have time to accrue much of a pension. My husband has stated that as we are now earning about the same the house should be split 50/50. Is this fair? Our youngest daughter will be living with me. She is over 18 but not in full time employment as she is suffering mental health problems. She is hoping to complete a Masters once she is well enough. I will have to support her for a while yet. Should I ask for more that 50% of house sale? My husband has worked very hard all our married life and all we have to show for it now is the house. I don't want to leave him with nothing but if I don't make the right decision now I will have to live with it for a long time.