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  • DecMoon So just found this site and I am so glad there are others who have felt and gone through this same situation. I am coming up on my 18th yr wedding anniversary and I just told my husband for the 8th time at least that while I love him, I'm just thinking about the next 18 years being married to my best friend, essentially living with my roommate. We are truly best friends enjoy each others company immensely but no sex. When we do, I am forcing myself to do it and/or asking him to go hang at a bar with me or run errands and make a fun day out of it, literally ensuring we aren't at home alone. We have one son who will be 17 in two months, junior in H.S. I'm at the point where it's on the table and we are talking about splitting but he keeps saying it just feels wrong. Then I start doubting myself if leaving someone because there is no physical chemistry is a selfish thing when most everything else is great. I could ramble on but I'll stop there for now. 6 years ago   *   4 replies
    • alphabeta What have you tried to get the sex on track? Was is ever great sex? if it was great sex in the past, it can be again. Can you open up the marriage for a bit? Can you do a threesome? Can you ask him to take you to a swingers club and do it in front of people ? Seriously. Who wouldnt get bored after 18 years if it's all the same. maybe there is some healthy exploration you both can do ? 6 years ago
    • deecee Hi! I have been separated over a year now for somewhat the same reason. At least you two have fun running errands, with us, I felt it was only what he wanted to do... but that being said, all else fits 100% My best friend, I still love hi but as a brother, basically roommates that split heavy chores and financials. Six months after the split up, I was still wondering if I should go back, knowing full well I could not picture us ever having a physical relationship or me feeling the desire for one. As time passed, I realized going back would be a disservice to him and to me. To him because I no longer loved him that way and he could find real love with someone else, someone to bring back the spark in his eyes. To me, because the last 3 years before I moved out I would cry out of feeling lonely and I would basically willingly put myself back in that situation. Most importantly, damaging my children... mine are little, 5 and 8, and they only feel and see parents that are roommates and not a couple. What are we teaching them? But that is my story and this is how it is going... you need to find it within you what truly is that is bothering you and what is the fix for you. I am still alone, but less lonely. Believe it or not, it is difficult for me to find someone attractive to the point I feel physically attracted to him... I haven't yet! Turns out, i have not been feeling attractive (due to lack of physical chemistry from the marriage) that I am now trying to heal my unattractive view of myself. Find out what is it in you... I hope I helped rather than making it worse. There is no right answer 6 years ago
    • deecee Also, a couple of things to consider: couples therapy. Men do not open up easily and they become comfortable, even if they are happy, as long as they have their house in place. My husband did not think there were any issues with our marriage and thought I just had temporary tantrums (yes, those were his words to the counselor), he was happy and blind regardless of how many times I asked for us to get back together as a couple or beg for sex time (even place it on the calendar... and after years, when it finally happened, yuk!)... see if he would go but be direct with your request 6 years ago
    • magicdragon Much the same here, Decmoon. I've been with my other half for 20 years now... my first real relationship. I was 20 when we met (the other half was 29). Now I've started looking back and realizing that as much as we love each other, we don't have any physical intimacy - never really have. We have a great home, a happy family, a 7 year old... everything else is great, but I don't know that I've ever been all that physically attracted. Sex has always seemed a chore - initially because I was self conscious, I thought. Now looking back, I just don't think I was really ever attracted to anything other than the "deeper" parts. Last week I moved partially out to try a separation for a little while. Ugh. Anyway, I feel for you. Have you decided anything? 6 years ago
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