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  • Downtherabbithole This is a question to women who divorced their husband for no great reason, no cheating etc. Why? What was the straw that broke the camels back? 2 years ago   *   14 replies
    • strugglecity There's never no reason. They probably have one even if they don't tell you what it was. What is a "great reason" for a divorce? It just depends on the person. People don't realize how bad it has to get for a person to go through a divorce. 2 years ago
    • alaska Maybe the women who divorce their husbands are just plain sick of their shit. There comes a time eventually in a relationship where some women can no longer handle the petty, annoying characteristics that their significant other possesses. A prime example would be when your significant other more than frequently signs songs out of tune and genuinely thinks that he should be on "the voice." 2 years ago
    • dynamic A divorce is nothing more than a break up. If one doesn't know why, then he or she may simply "not get it." Generally people always know why a relationship has ended but only when one has been truthful to thine self and earnestly reviewed their actions and partner's reactions. People lie to themselves to shield their ego/pride. Women and men alike always project what the issues in their relationship are...just not directly. If one is too blind to see the signs, that was likely part of the problem and the straw too. 2 years ago
      • hermorer10 "A divorce is nothing more than a break up." I would consider that an understatement. Considering the vows and implications of a marriage, i.e. building a family, or being together forever. Divorce is greater than a break up. This is a mentality that, I think, leads to folks taking the idea of marriage lightly, which in turn leads to divorce. Whether religion is involved or not, marriage is a bond and a joining of people that should be taken seriously and respected. That is not to say I am particularly against divorce or anything like that, I just feel it is a great and powerful thing, and the ending of it us just as serious as the start of it. 2 years ago
        • dynamic I would not consider that an understatement. That's what it is. It's a "divorce" due to legal implications. The two no longer can work together in a functional relationship, right? Right. Difference? None. As I have mentioned in another thread, it is the circumstances surrounding marriage that make it complicated. So if you add children to the mix, that makes things more difficult, but what if you were not married, then what does that change? Nothing. You still have to figure out how to be co-parents. Marriage is what you make it. Vows and bonds mean nothing because they are emotionally based. Emotions are always temporary. We must work to keep them at a level we desire. If you don't believe that, then stop doing anything in your relationship to please your partner and tell me how long that last. Every time we do anything for our partner, we add back to emotional bond, keeping it strong. Bonds take energy. If there is no energy, there is no bond, period. With that said, marriage is only that...an idea. It's not a factual thing, just a believe. Look at the words you use, "I think" (personal opinion); "I just feel" (emotion/opinion), "idea" (collective thought). Nothing factual. Breakup/divorce = fact: two people can't function together anymore (for whatever reason). Thus, when we get past the archaic ideology and look at the facts, that's all it is. Vows are broken all the time. Society feeds this idea of marriage that really isn't sustainable when juxtaposed with today's standards and beliefs. There is a missing educational and social element that today's generations are lacking on top of new circumstances that did not exist 20/30 years ago that we as a group must learn to cope with. In conclusion, if we look at things for what they are, we can better handle the situation. "A problem defined is half solved." Many can't define the problem because they lack the ability to be honest with themselves coupled with an out of control ego (no matter how subtle it may be). Adolescence is extended into people's late 20's/early 30's its seems. Marriage hasn't change while the people around it has, thus marriage is currently outdated (obsolete?). Being a legal consultant and being in the age of information, 'tis only one's ignorance and clinging to past practices (while everything else in there life is always being updated) that cause the separation between the idea of marriage our ability to stay in one. 2 years ago
          • hermorer10 My language is reflective of my humble approach to this discussion. Also simply stating that something is fact doesn't make it so. I don't agree with your statement that vows and bonds mean nothing. I do see where you are coming from in your argument, but your approach is a bit radical. 2 years ago
    • BeautyQueen No reason? There is always a reason. Sometimes we don't understand it ourselves but it's what we feel that really drives us to that point 2 years ago
      • dynamic There is always a reason and women always know what it is. I'd say that some women just can't articulate it, not that they don't understand it. Putting it into an understandable statement generally yields a metaphysical descriptions until someone else puts in terms they agree with and then articulate to others. 2 years ago
    • stuck Not divorced yet, sort of separated but still living in same house. Realizing a lack of common interests (but to the point the entire apartment is decorated in his style & you'd have no idea I lived there, if I put on music I like in the car I get disgusted noises and a "what is THIS?", etc.), complete lack of regard for my feelings re: various friend situations (some of his "friends" over the years have disrespected me in different ways, he lets them get away with it, doesn't stick up for me or make them apologize, etc.), using me as a scapegoat & telling others I'm a controlling wife (when I don't want him hanging out with said friends - he doesn't/won't try to understand the WHY, no matter how many times I explicitly explain it), isn't emotionally available the way I'd like him to be (even with adjusting for the fact that men don't express emotion the same as women), hasn't been physically intimate in YEARS (and I don't mean sex, I mean real intimacy - I can't tell you the last time he tried to kiss me or even sat on the same couch as me when he wasn't just trying to get it in). So obviously there's no such thing as "no great reason" to an individual, I have plenty of reasons, but to our friends and family, from the outside looking in, yea there is no great reason and some of them don't understand. This year is 9 years we've been together and I'm realizing I lost my whole 20's - I have known that all of these were little issues that have bothered me throughout our relationship, but I guess the build up to now is the "straw". 2 years ago
      • BETTY STUCK you could be describing my marriage. After 15 years and three kids I left. 2 years later we are reconciling. He had medical issues.. ADD and low testosterone... and I am bound to overlook some of his issues to keep our family together. I truly love my husband, but he hurts my feelings a lot. I can't control him but I can control my responses. Sometimes no one can understand why you leave, but if you do, that's all that matters. 2 years ago
    • Alicewonders21 I was told that I should be grateful. That I wasn't beaten or abused, he didn't cheat or gamble, he wasn't a drug addict or an absentee father. He was, and is a good person. What was the straw? He was miserable. Everything we had worked for made him miserable and everything that I did to show love made him more distant. For a very long time I thought it was me. I must be the reason he was like this. I must not bring it out in him. And then I realized it wasn't me. And that we'd been having the same issues for 20 years...and that no matter what I did...things were not going to change for me because he wasn't willing to see there were issues. Realizing nothing was going to change was my straw. 23 days ago
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