Well, I am here on this anonymous site because I need some advice. I've been killing myself reading article after article, thing after thing online about "fixing marriages" "divorce hurts children" "kids are resultant". I swear it's like reading about the myriad of diet options. I realize only I can decide what is best for me, but I'd like to share my story and see what this community has to say. So, here is my situation. Married over ten years, two kids, double income, nice house in the burbs. My husband is funny, athletic, really smart and spends plenty of time with the kids. We get along well, as in we don't argue about money, directions, what to do on vacation, etc. We sometimes disagree about kid discipline, but not much. In the last year I've mentioned Divorce seriously to him twice. He doesn't want any part of it. He thinks we can "be really good together." But I don't feel appreciated, desired or truly loved. The sad part is, I'm never sure I was. I think I fell for him because he was unlike other boyfriends...not falling all over me, had his own life, a bit of a challenge. I think he has said I love you maybe three times and meant it truly. He's emotionally unavailable, won't talk about his feelings, has never iniated sex. When we do have sex it is pretty good, but I would like it a whole lot more. He doesn't set a good example for kids on showing appreciation or expressing thanks or admiration. I run the household and schedules, take care of about 80% of everything with kids.
Since our last couple of talks, he's made some efforts, saying thanks and expressing gratitude. But now it seems so forced and I can't appreciate it. I think I turned a point where it's too late. I'm not sure I'm in love with him and I resent the time lost that I could have been in a different type of relationship. We are essentially very good friends, but I don't want to grow old with a friend, I want a passionate lover who sees me for all the good that I am. Someone who is capable of sharing their feelings and genuinely meaning it. Divorce would be devastating to our kids and I worry about their straight As going to Ds and that they will hate me. I'm at a crossroads and need to make a decision. On a side note I am talking to a counselor...he won't go to marriage counseling and I'm not sure I want to anyway.