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Lolo
What are the views on physical attraction in a relationship?
Here is my story. 35 years ago I married by first boyfriend first when I was 22, he was 30 after knowing each other less than one year. I was living at home with strict parents and basically not allowed to date until finished my studies.
I knew other boys but did not date. He was the son of my parents friends.
Basically he was university graduate, wealthy from a ”good” family. I was never physically attracted to him as he is short and not the best looking guy. I did find it slightly embarrassed to be seen with him as I loved wearing heels, fashionable clothes and he dressed conservative and was shorter if I wore any heels. I know that sounds so shallow . I was told always that I was attractive and guys did want to date me previously but because of my parents I refused.
My now husband moved quick to propose, marry etc ( maybe pushed by his parents) this is back in early 80s . I got engaged it before the wedding was arranged I had a gut feeling that I was not totally happy and wanted to break up. I was confiding this with my parents who were horrified and said my reputation would be ruined and that no decent man would want me. So being the “obedient” couldn’t make my own decisions daughter of controlling parents, I did not stand up for myself.
Basically, had 2 kids now all grown up and left home, living overseas and far away. Spent all those years busy working and bringing them up.
Never was physically attracted to my husband so have never been able to give him the love and attention that I would like to give a man. He is a man that does not show affection, ( sex monthly but no hugs or kisses ) he does not have a temper, non drinker,. There is no spark between us there. Also he has never had a happy, lively personality, does not buy me gifts or anything romantic, does not dance.etc My husband does not lift my spirit
Basically feeling depressed, feel like I’m am alive not living and a lot of emptiness in my life. Feeling lonely as I don’t have a best friend either. I am 57 and often told I look much younger as I look after myself. I just think is this it? Do I go though a train wreck divorce and end up alone or with someone worse? I’m I being selfish? Should I sacrifice the rest of my existence to avoid divorce. I can’t ask him to be affectionate, change personality etc ...it has to come from within to be genuine.
Appreciate some opinions! Thank you!