Your new life starts here.

Splitsville contributor and relationship expert Wendi Schuller gives some thoughtful and practical advice for women considering divorce. Take note, ladies:

1. Consider having a session or two with a life coach or therapist to sort out your feelings. Write down the pros and cons of divorce. This expert can help put your life in perspective to see what the best option for you is.
2. See if there are needs or ambitions that are not being met, which contribute to feeling stifled in your marriage. Think about what brought you joy and a sense of self-fulfilment in your single days. It may be just a matter of picking up a paint brush again or getting back into a favorite hobby. When people feel fulfilled – this can enhance a relationship.
3. Get a credit card in your name only to build up your credit score. I had to use mine for necessities before my interim support kicked in. Joint accounts may be frozen when divorce starts – so withdraw some cash to ensure being able to buy groceries and pay bills. Open up a bank account in your name to have access to funds during divorce.
4. Meet with an attorney and get her advice first before moving out of the marital home. My spouse moved out and he was required to pay the mortgage while my sons and I lived there during the divorce. If you moved out and your partner stayed put, you could be paying rent for an extended time before receiving money from the sale of the house, as divorced proceedings can take longer than anticipated. Having a pre-divorce meeting with an attorney helps to ensure you are on a good financial footing before any divorce action is taken.
5. Get valuable personal property out of the marital home if a divorce is looming on the horizon. One irate husband smashed his wife’s heirloom china before she filed for divorce. Take expensive family jewellery or silver to a relative’s for safe keeping so a departing spouse does not sell them for quick cash.
6. Vent to girlfriends about your troubled marriage. Some pals may have bits of wisdom of what helped them get through this life transition. Your friends can provided much needed emotional and practical support.
7. A stay-at-home mom may want to consider getting a part-time job for a bit of cash. Being valued and appreciated in the workplace does wonders for boosting a self-esteem that may be in tatters from a bad marriage. If a divorce materializes, an income stream is crucial to tide one over until interim support is started.
8. Discuss your unhappiness with your family. They will be ready to jump right in with support if a divorcee should happen. They can be on the spot to nurture you and provide practical assistance, such as doing extra babysitting.
9. Be kind to yourself when of contemplating a divorce. Make sure you are eating nutritious foods, getting sleep and taking supplements, such B Vitamins which are depleted during stress.
11. Get copies of financial records, including bank statements so you know what your situation is. Your attorney will want them at your consultation.

The advice columnist, Ann Landers, used to ask “Are you better with or without him?” Only you can decide.

Article by Wendi Schuller for Wendi's Tips.