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  • anicka Hi all. I have been married for over 10 years and I am planning to get divorce very soon. But I am so scared to be alone because he is the only one I have in this country. even thought my parents live in the Midwest the rest of my family and friends live in Europe. I know many people here but don't have many good friends. I don't know what to do: he is a good guy but at the same time he acts like an idiot! I am sick of him because he is boring, antisocial, never takes risks etc. And I am so different from him, I am spontaneous, creative, fun. Even though he he gladly gives me my space, he can be controlling and wants to change me. I want to leave him but. I am thinking, will I ever find someone who will care for me and love me? Or should I settle with him?I am scared to live alone!! I am so depressed because my life sucks. Like today, I spent day at the beach and will eat dinner alone because he doesn't even eat.- he is obsessed with vegan food and I don't even know where he is - as always. Thanks if any of you read this; I feel better after writing it but it doesn't change my situation. 8 years ago   *   7 replies
    • plasterdust Wow! I feel for you and the isolation sounds like a real challenge. Not sure if you are financially independent and have options for a new living situation? Sounds like you have a lot of strengths though...I'd imagine you will find plenty of people (friends and lovers) who would love and care for a spontaneous, fun and creative woman that spends days on the beach and then wants to share a non-vegan dinner afterwards (and has European connections...). Having moved around a lot, I find it takes a while to crack into a community so regardless of whether you stay or go to be with friends overseas...if you can't be yourself because you're constantly dealing with relationship stuff it's tough to connect with people in my experience. 8 years ago
      • anicka Thanks for your response. I still have feelings for him but I literally gave up. It has been a long time of hoping that things will change but it's getting worse. We are so comfortable around each other and there is no romance. I know that he loves me but I am not passionate about him I look at other guys and flirt with them. Maybe it's stupid but I have a crush on a bartender from a local barbar and I gave him my number... So I am saying if I were happy in my marriage I would not stare at other men. 8 years ago
        • RAN Move on! Agree with above, you sound fun. You're having successful flirtations! You won't have trouble meeting people. Making new good close friends? That can be difficult for all adults. You can't force it, but eventually by going out and meeting people, you'll find people you can relate to successfully. I was in a marriage that was great for 15 years, passionless for 10 years – yet we continued to work well together managing the household. So it was tough to separate/divorce. But it has been the right thing to do. Lack of intimacy, lack of passion led to alienation and roving eyes. Unless you think you can negotiate/manage an open marriage – probably better to be honest and not start sneaking around. Call it a trial separation, move out, and see how it goes. 8 years ago
    • Splitsies no kids? then who cares..... GO. :) 8 years ago
      • anicka Thanks guys for support! I guess I just have to find courage to do that because often I feel that I waste my time. We don't have kids and my job is OK so I can support myself. It's just taking the next step.. Funny thing is that he thinks that everything is fine. We don't talk much, don't hang out but he acts like nothing is happening. I've been going out all the time with my girlfriends and he just stays at home. He doesn't even suggest for us going out for dinner or something. BTW, my first message sounds really depressing I am not like that just once in a while ;-) 8 years ago
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