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Crazychef
Guilt is so powerful, it can seem like regret. This is my biggest problem right now. It's 2.5 months since I left and right now I practically hate myself for the pain I'm causing him. He is also venting anger at me. His last couple of texts have been pretty horrendous to read; not abusive, just painful. I don't know how I'll cope with the guilt. I left because I didn't love him enough, not because he did anything wrong. I miss the close friendship that we had, our jokes and silliness. I miss things being easy. I miss having a home to call my own. I'm still living all over the place, out of a bag. We haven't started divorce proceedings yet and I'm too scared to mention it, because he's so hurt already. If I think about being back there though, or having to have sex with him, I am reminded that I've done the right thing. But it doesn't stop the pain. And I am not entitled to feel any pain or loss because I caused this.