HI ALL - a friend sent this to me and i was ambivalent for...

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misterconfusedindenial HI ALL - a friend sent this to me and i was ambivalent for about 30 seconds and then realized i might as well see what others have to say. i have been dating a girl for about 10 months who im madly in love with - we have this amazing chemistry - the sex is out of control mind blowing - we have a ton in common - we get a long for weeks at a time with little fanfare - spent 9 days together surfing in a remote area again zero issues - OTHER than she was married for a whopping year to a super asshole who was abusive in many ways and then cheated on her. she cut it off immediately and then began her healing process. i came into her life around month 8 - she made it clear that she was not ready for anything serious and that it might take another 6 months to heal - but it was undeniable that there was something special. we knew each other briefly many years ago - and i think she holds a small resentment that i didnt chase her back then - but its now been 10 months and she has broken up with me at least 5 times - each time with a slightly different reason but they are all pointing to that she still needs to heal. i dont know what to do and its not good for me mentally. i love her so very much and im being patient and trying to be the best person - not get irritated and just surround her with love. but at some point this has to stop. its frustrating because its so obvious how good i am to her and she now takes advantage of that although she wont say as much because she is lovingly stubborn but also has an inner possession of being very spiritual - to the point of self righteousness. my therapist thinks she is just immature and needs to buck up and knock it off - but the therapist is also now telling me to move on. i cant. not yet. i have NO idea what to do and im sick of talking to my friends because i sound like a love stricken teenager. its embarrassing. thoughts? i know this was long and i wont blame anyone for not responding... 9 years ago * 5 replies User reported
- Splitsies you're in the right place!! i came her because i couldnt bear to bend my friends' ears anymore. 9 years ago User reported
- 12345 i feel like you need to het her go with love. she is trying to work something out, and is probably being drawn back to you because it feels really good to be loved by you, but she isn't ready. and maybe you arent ready for something..... is there anything you are avoiding by focusing on this girl ...something that needs your attention? 9 years ago User reported
  - misterconfusedindenial hi 12345 + Splities, great to see a reply this morning especially after a long winded note such as mine. thank you for the feedback. Im not sure if avoiding is accurate although some may argue differently but im also one to explore any avenues because I see growth as a constant shifting force that should not be stifled. anything less is a disservice to ones ability to expand in life and learn from past circumstances that might otherwise be seen/felt as a misstep (i try very hard to not look at ones history as mistakes but experience - and not live in regret. of course easier said than done...). i wholeheartedly feel as though im in a great place in life - ready to begin the next chapter - and start a wonderful life with this person. my connections to her are so pure, real, natural, raw and emotionally connected. she knows this deep down inside and in moments of clarity she admits this but then readily tells me that she still needs time. I have never said this to her but i feel as though she has what we mockingly refer to as "high class" problems - especially when you look outside your immediate life and see what s happening around the world (or even upstate for that matter - with depressed towns and bleak circumstances for many). it is frustrating because she acts (and speaks) as if she is so enlightened and 'one' with the ways of the universe, but im beginning to see that she might only be as an 'observer' but not as a 'participant'. she fears a lot and that fear is crippling her to move on. i will not cheat on this girl and would only provide an absolute loving place for her to mature into the person that she can BE in both life, love and her creative work. OK...i'll stop there for now. 9 years ago User reported
- Moving_On I think you need to give her some time to figure out herself and what she wants. Most of all she needs to figure out what she wants regarding you. Distance yourself for a bit, take some time off if you are not ready to let her go. Give her a chance to realize whether it is you that she misses or the idea of someone chasing her. Either way she needs to realize that one of these times that she keeps breaking up with you, you might be gone for good... 9 years ago User reported
- dynamic Good to see this site is starting to pick up. Here are my 2 cents. On off again; madly in love, butterflies everywhere until the rain cloud comes. I say just go with it. "Give her space"? Nope. "Healing" can happen all of a sudden. Putting a time on it is somewhat asinine. Emotional pain is not physical pain where we can predict the healing cycle. There are just too many variables. It sounds like the world is a wonderful place when you're with here so I say stay in wonder land until it's no longer wonder land. You have a feeling inside that you it may not work or she may not "heal" but who cares? When it runs out, you'll know and move on, but maybe it won't! The real issue is that you're the woman and she's the man in this situation. Stop being a bitch and man up. If she says she's not looking for anything, then listen and act accordingly. It's what we do as men all the time. We just want to play until things get boring then we find a new toy. Not to say women are objects but this is how men can be. It's a gender stereotype (and for a reasons) but you're playing the wrong role it sounds like. But if you're going to play the female then play it masterfully like women do. They trap you and you don't even know it. If a man is not looking to commit, women who know how to play the game, don't bring up relationships. They find a way to hang around more and insert themselves silently into your life without you realizing. Inch by inch, they're around you more and BAM!!! You're in a relationship. Didn't even see it coming (men are such simple creatures). In other words, just be around and don't mention anything about relationships or act like you're in one. You love her so much, why can't you respect her wishes? As I type this out, it seems you may be too selfish and only thinking about yourself (though that is what I'm suggesting to a degree, but mine is a win/win(then maybe epic fail). She wants space? Give her space. That doesn't mean you have to leave. Enjoy every bit of it! Trying to walk away when you want to stay (even though deep down you may know better) is torture! Don't resist it, go through it and just admit when it's at its end.\ 9 years ago User reported

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