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  • KatieA Any suggestions on how to deal with a spouse who is so needy that it makes me feel trapped? Before we got together, he took care of himself just fine, but now he whines and acts incapable if he has to make a meal for himself or put his clothes away... I feel like his maid/mother and this has squelched any sexual desire on my part and I think I want to leave this relationship. 10 years ago   *   10 replies
    • Tango Sounds like a putz. Stop babying him. 10 years ago
    • Danni girl you have to put your foot down and just stop doing the things for him that he can do himself! your only making it worse is you allow it to continue... 10 years ago
    • Karen7142 That is a total turnoff! Tell him how you feel and he should be able to change. If not, then mooove on. 10 years ago
    • AMpr411 Is he sick or has anything that makes him act different now? or is he just that type of man that wants you to serve him? if is that, I would say talk to him, ask for help, give him straight tasks, like: "honey would you help me to take the trash outside?"or "baby I need your help would you cut the tomatoes for this salad?, my hands are full" in a nice way but not begging or complaining. if he doesn't want to help you.. run Katiea run!! :) 10 years ago
    • ardentdreams I would pick a weekend and just leave. Not for good, of course. Go pamper and enjoy yourself but leave post it notes up so he isn't completely clueless. He has no choice but to fend for himself and will prove whether or not he is spoiled or truly needs you. 10 years ago
    • Unsure As long as my husband is bringing in the majority of our income he expects this and sometimes it's just easier to go along with it. 10 years ago
    • REASONPASSION As an attachment theorist, I'm always frankly fascinated by the criteria people use for feeling "trapped." Often what one considers smothering, another will feel adored and vice versa. Without going into the various forms of attachment, a good trick of the relationship trade is to determine what helps you feel safe/content/secure. Start with generalities, as in what does it mean for you to feel safe/content/secure. People have different ways of expressing that at the feeling level. Then start making a list, with your husband, of what particular actions contribute to that feeling. It's important to start small and always, always, be willing to go back and add, or better, remove items. So often there's an ease in the doing that we lose sight of what the doing is about. When the harbor is lost in fog, we can make all sorts of turns and never find it. 10 years ago
    • dynamic As an alpha, I understand those beta tendencies. If you're not married and don't have kids, leave. Women (in general) find a needy man extremely unattractive and for good reason. So you have two choices in my book (or three really if you combined them). Get direct and tell him his neediness is an issue; leave him (really the best idea because you're missing out on better men) or tell him you're going to leave if he doesn't stop acting like a bitch. You can't where the pants and panties. That's one sided. Unfortunately, betas don't get it and may take time to change...a long time. Are you willing to wait? I was never needy but being a beta is being a beta, been there, done that, never going back. 10 years ago
      • Mister_e It is very draining when you feel like you need to be the caregiver for your spouse when she feels like she can't do simple tasks. My wife basically took care of herself and is fully capable and smart. However, she goes on long emotional "benders" where she freaks out how she can't even tie her shoe for some unknown reason. I feel like I'm a service animal for her at times and just waiting within earshot so I can run into the room and help her turn on the computer for the 5th time this week. Look, I don't mind being helpful but this is ridiculous. I am not doing things for myself because I am making myself readily available to come to the "rescue". What kills me even more is when I try to help her she yells at me that she can do it. Even though the last 15 minutes shes in tears because she says she can't. So I walk away and then she freaks out because I'm not helping her. WTF. Wow. When I run through these things in my head I know its f'd up but I seem to forget it the next day like Alzhiemers. Now that I'm typing this out so I can actually reread my thoughts I am really realizing I am the one that needs his head checked for being here after almost 20 yrs of this emotional abuse. 6 years ago
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