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  • 84TIGERS Been married 10 years and I had emotional affair with a coworker that lasted about a year. Wife knew about it and is now having her own physical affair. She has filed for divorce and does not live me anymore. What can I do? I was kicked out of my house. We have 2 small girls. 9 years ago   *   7 replies
    • brooklynblue do you want to be in your marriage? do you want to have a healthy relationship with your wife? how is the co-parenting going ? 9 years ago
      • 84TIGERS I do want to be married. Co-parenting is going ok, but the 4 days I don't have the kids are really tough. I miss my wife tremendously. 9 years ago
    • TIMBUKTU did you own your emotional affair and look at what was going on with you and in your marriage to drive you to the affair? 9 years ago
      • 84TIGERS I did own it and admit to it. I was battling mental illness and a mid life crisis. Some things in my marriage needed fixing but they were all "soft" problems. Now, I fear it's too late. 9 years ago
        • Splitsies that is awesome that you admitted it and dealt with it. i guess all you can do now is be the best YOU you can be. maybe you can have an open marriage for a little while so you each can work this out? very very hard to do but sometimes it's an alternative to divorce if you both want to be in the same house with the kids. 9 years ago
    • RAN Well, I can't be too optimistic for you. Kind of a similar story. Basically, my wife couldn't forgive me. Refused to go to counseling. When she started her own physical affair – her mind was made up. It was over. I couldn't believe it, because she decided extremely abruptly. But of course, she had suffered earlier. And we may have had longer-term and deeper structural problems than you. It may come down to: is your wife ultra-decisive? Single-minded, once her mind is made up? Unlikely to admit mistakes? Proud? How narcissistic is she? If she's on the more easy-going side, then it's possible she'll think again after having her fun – assuming she is reassured by your efforts to prove your devotion to her… as well as to your kids. My wife is in the first category. Took me a few weeks to believe that it was even happening. A few more weeks before the pain turned to alternating pain and ache -- but realizing that it was really was over. Then a few more weeks where I cycled through pain, ache, and starting to feel okay about myself again and accepting. And so on. I mean it really took months and months… I'm just talking about getting back to functional those first weeks. Complicated by the need to interact with her throughout this to discuss kids & arrange schedules – including having to hear how she wants to go for a long weekend here or there, so could I please cover the kids on those days… and her forgetting prior arrangements, and making new arrangements without asking… Because she was in love, and intoxicated with it. Really horrible. 9 years ago
    • dynamic This is really a two part answer to your one part question. PART ONE: First, walk back into your house (if you haven't already re-established yourself in another). She has no right (legally) to kick you out. Doesn't matter who owns it. That's not how things work. Plus, your kids have a right to be around you until you both figure out a parenting agreement. PART TWO: If she had a physical affair to your emotional affair, then she was already on that track. I don't feel your affair had anything to really do with hers other than maybe her doing it sooner or simply revealing it. You had an affair for a reason. Likely the same reason she did. It's over. Move one (Yes, easier said then done but in the end it has to be done so no excuses). 9 years ago
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