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  • anon13 Can someone tell why I should get married instead of just having exactly the same life (relationship, living together, growing old together) but just not get married? There are pros and cons. But it seems like if you never got married but then split up, you still have the emotional pain but get to skip some other hassles. Most of marriage's legal benefits can be obtained, if one wishes, by other means (as same-sex couples have done for years). So why not just live exactly like a married couple, but not get married? 10 years ago   *   11 replies
    • thenooge I know a lot of the legal benefits you can obtain by other means, but what about something like when your partner is in the hospital and only family members are allowed to visit? I'm sure there are other things like that. Also, a lot of people get married because they want to, or because of their religious beliefs, or whatever. Or maybe your partner really wants to get married, and you don't really care, so you might as well do it, because, who cares? 10 years ago
    • AMpr411 May be if you want to have kids, you need to have same last name.. To feel like a family, beside benefits like insurance, and medical rights as Thenooge wrote, I don't think 2 people need to sign a paper to be happy or in a real commitment, women tend to believe they will keep forever a man just because a contract... I believe the honest and deep desire to be together is stronger than anything. 10 years ago
    • TDOG the definition of marriage just needs to change. period. 10 years ago
    • ardentdreams Marriage is really how you view it. Does it bring more unity to a family? To some it may. The rules of marriage has changed so much these days that its really becoming more of a fad then a religious union of two souls. (Mind you in some religions the concept of divorce is frowned upon AND pre-marital sex which voids the idea of having children since normally you would need to be married first then have children). Times are changing. So it just comes back to you - Do you want to bear his last name (or vice versa), sign the documents, have a ceremony (or not) or do you feel just living together and being together suffices? For me, personally, marriage is just paperwork and a document that legally states that we are in a relationship. Again, it just depends on how the both of you view marriage. My friend's parents never have gotten married but they have been together for 25+ years. 10 years ago
    • Unsure That's what I did for many years and now that we're married divorce is what I think of when we fight. You should do what makes you happy and comfortable NOT what you think is "normal" 10 years ago
    • AMpr411 Anon13 I believe there are more and more people not believing on marriage, is like everything else: religion, hobbies, art, food, place to live... you just need to find the person that is at the same page as you. But personally I don’t think its a good idea being in a relationship and avoid getting married just because you believe that the ending it would be easier than with the contract, you don't want to be that realistic and cynical on love. 10 years ago
    • porcupine Getting married or obtaining legal benefits by other means is also a hassle! Maybe examine why you are focused on the divorce part. From a practical standpoint, our society's laws are designed for married couples so it could make life easier, really. There are even state laws that put you in that designation anyway if you live together long enough so a split up could still involve legal battles. There are definite reasons people are fighting for marriage rights. 9 years ago
    • dynamic There is no legal benefit that marriage brings. I'm a legal consultant and see marriage form a legally educated point. If both people have Durable power of attorney for health care on each other (less than a days work) then the hospital excuse is dead in the water. Tax benefits? Aim your cannons there too because there are ways to simply reduce your tax liability to much lower numbers that any amount of claiming you can. Saying it's "difficult" is just ignorance talking because one doesn't know the process and is too lazy to google it like other less important topics they likely have. Want the same last name? The woman always can legally change it to cling to the past if she wishes. "Feeling" like a family is just that, a feeling. You are or you are not, that type of family is a fact regardless of feeling. If we start changing definitions, then the word loses all value because once that gate is open, everyone will make a different definition to fit their beliefs. Common law marriage in your state? Non-issue. Put your assets in trust (which would be practicing good financial practices and protecting each other. Some would call that love.) If one learned the history of marriage, maybe they wouldn't blindly cling to the idea so much. Truth is stranger than fiction is all I'll say about marriage's history. The benefit of not getting married is far greater than those of getting married from a psychological standpoint...mainly for a man. If you lock a dog in a cage (marriage), what happens to it over time? The day that cage door opens, what will the dog do? So ask yourself, does your dog stay with you because you have a great relationship or because you always had him locked up (via leash, fence, kennel)? If I always have the option with minimal consequences to leave and never do so versus being married and knowing there's going to be hell to pay so I stay, who would you rather be in a relationship with? I wouldn't say ANON13 is "avoiding" marriage, but merely learning from past and current trends. Avoiding marriage assumes marriage is an absolute when it's obviously not (gay people anyone? Though they're being dupped into the madness too. Ignorance is not blissful at all). 9 years ago
    • STACIE Well though several months later than your post, I can say that it's because weddings are fun to plan. I mean who doesn't like a big party? Also to dress up like a princess for the day, nothing wrong with that either. I am separated from my soon to be ex husband, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy going to weddings. 9 years ago
      • Boogie I LOL'ed! What a great business idea! Throw "wedding parties" but don't actually get people married! Everyone can take turns being the bride. 9 years ago
      • anon13 Hi, good responses, thanks! I still haven't heard a real reason to get legally married. 1) Legal benefits: can be obtained w/o getting married, as same-sex couples have done for year. As Dynamic says, doing this stuff isn't any harder than getting a wedding license and planning a wedding, and it's light-years easier than a divorce. Remember, the divorce rate among never-marrieds is 0%. 2) Religious/Family: Sure, just do the ceremony but don't file the legal documents. That's what matters. 3) Weddings are fun: Sure, just have a great party. It's hard for some people to get it through their heads that marriage is only what your local politicians say it is. That is a fact. Shouldn't be that way, but it is. 9 years ago
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