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cool as a cucumber


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strangely happy

back in action

feeling amazing

Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce. - P. J. O'Rourke

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  • yogamomDK Everything I've read says that this period (in the midst of splitting) is hell. Guess what? It is. Any tips on how to co-habitate until things get refinanced, parenting time is decided and funds are split? 9 years ago   *   10 replies
    • TIMBUKTU try and get into some sort of new spiritual, emotional, physical discipline so bring your best self to the current scene. eat well, meditate, work out if you can. anything to move the stale energy around. treat him/her as you would a sick friend you care about or an elderly parent. 9 years ago
    • splitter super smart you are doing it this way. i know people that have stormed out and they get screwed. 9 years ago
    • exhusband if you're going thru a tough split or acrimonious divorce you can count on hell on earth. do your best to keep it sane. 9 years ago
    • dadofthree some people can do it but you need to be evolved. both of you. and of course, i have no experience with that.... 9 years ago
    • yogamomDK I struggle with keeping my head in check. He vacillates between being super dedicated to making this divorce work, and aggressively telling me how bad this is going to go for me (I'm the breadwinner), how he's going to take get the picture. Today happens to be a day of "we can do this - this is the right thing for us", but who knows who he'll be tomorrow. Yoga has helped for sure - but so does a good beer or glass of wine!!! 9 years ago
      • Moving_On I am in the same situation. We are co-habitate (with our two kids) until the divorce is final. I am also the breadwinner. He does exactly the same thing. One moment he is calm and we can discuss divorce calmly and the next he threatens me that he is going to use all legal ways to destroy me. One moment he says that he still thinks I am a wonderful person, the next he says I have manipulated him for through-out our whole marriage. And since I am busy working and I started the divorce in the first place, he proposes that he can raise the kids for me, so I can just go and enjoy my life as a divorcee. :( What's up with these man, with no dignity??? PATIENCE, is the key here until this whole thing is final 9 years ago
    • RAN Hell for me even though we're not cohabitating -- had an aptmt already for other reasons -- but we trade in and out to be with kids. Just started the divorce. She got a new boyfriend instantly and fell in love. I have to see the tickets from the concert, the receipt from the dinner, her new clothes in the closet, the real estate flyer from his town... While it's all I can do to go to work and be here for the kids and try and reconnect with old friends ...just sad. Every time I see it's a text from her my heart speeds up from anxiety ... What's it gonna be this time.... So is it worse if you STBX is miserable and tormenting you in person? or if they're AWOL because they're so f-ing happy, and acting like getting you out of their life was the greatest move they ever made? 9 years ago
    • plasterdust My 2 cents: Clear rules on where you sleep and when you talk. Boundaries and/or stillness when the other person is being upset, "I can't listen to you when you are being this negative. Please stop talking." Honest communication about finances/kids/divorce process at scheduled times. I actually book 2 hour time slots and prepare powerpoints (cause I'm a geek) so I don't forget what I'm going to say and then I don't need to communicate about those topics outside of the 2 hours. My partner avoids difficult communication so having a set time and boundaries makes it happen very civilly 9 years ago
      • DBR Deep breaths. This too shall pass. 9 years ago
        • Mister_e This shall pass like a kidney stone. Very painful put the end will be worth the suffer. (I hope. I keep telling myself the same thing to soften the blow.) 6 years ago
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