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  • marylou Going through the married a guy, thought he was the right guy but there is no attraction. I think i got wrapped up in the excitement of it all that I didn't deal with that I was making excuses to not have sex with him. Now I have to hurt him and it sucks..... I cant be in a passionless, sex is a chore type marriage. Prior to this I always had a super high libido...UGH.... can't help but to feel bad but I have to do what is good for is too short, right? 8 years ago   *   12 replies
    • TDOG ugh i have been EXACTLY there. the sooner you make the call, the better... hoping you dont have kids ? i waited til after i had kids, because i just couldnt get clear/honest with myself... and it;s much harder when kids are involved. 8 years ago
      • marylou Luckily, No kids. We thought about it but that would involve having sex and well.....that barely was happening. I honestly don't think we would survive a child.... 8 years ago
    • SVONE i see you have no kids... this is good! i guess the question is.... have you looked at whether the intimacy of marriage as what could be killing your libido and not your fundamental attraction to him? or were you NEVER attracted to him ? 8 years ago
      • marylou I think initially I was a little attracted to him but it was also very scandalous, ( we worked together so it was sneaky). He even said after we got engaged it all got weird and sex kinda stopped. Not sure why he married me...I mean what man would marry a woman who was not putting out??? I think he got wrapped up in the engagement and that he thinks i am attractive. 8 years ago
        • TDOG sounds like you are totally on to yourself... maybe something to look at is what conditions create attraction for you and how that might have to change to be in a long term relationship. and i dont judge you for getting swooped into the excitement... it's also feels like you are being grown-up and going into the next phase of life by getting married. .... AND... his lack of demand for sex is probably soemthing he needs to look at... why that is okay without that in his life... i know my ex-H is now having all the sex he missed in our marriage..... as he should be!!! 8 years ago
    • marylou We don't have kids. I honestly don't know if it was ever there. I really think I got wrapped up with the engagement and whatnot. It stinks but you know it is bad when you make excuses not to have sex or sometimes having to "start" without him to get everything going since he does not really do it for me. Its not fair to him and he even says I don't make him feel good about himself, I mean I imagine so since he is not getting any. I just don't think that it can last the long haul and i should get out before I seek sex elsewhere. 8 years ago
      • TDOG RUN. ABORT MISSION. 8 years ago
      • RAN As a guy who was in a passionless marriage...I agree. Set yourself free. Hopefully he will eventually thank you. 8 years ago
    • BBLOKE There seems to be a lot of this kind of situation here but I don't think the problem can be solved by just finding someone else. Everything I've read from marriage coaches suggests that it is a change in attitude that is needed otherwise you'll just repeat the cycle with another person. Mort Fertel says you have to learn to love the person you are with. 8 years ago
      • SVONE you can love anyone.... but do you need to make yourself have sex with someone you truly do not feel any chemistry with ? 8 years ago
    • Brichelle37 Why dont you try role playing. Where you put a office in your house where you can pretend to be a teacher or something. Or maybe find some thrilling places to have sex where you could get caught. Some people need that in their relationships. Currect me if I'm wrong. But it sounds like you were attracted to it at work and got caught up in that 6 years ago
    • crossreeds This is EXACTLY what happened to me. Nearly zero attraction/sexless marriage. I was very young and inexperienced...he was a super great guy and i got caught up in the whole excitement of someone so great "wanting me" and the emotional stability he provided. Plus, i felt like marriage was just the next logical step for our relationship. I grew up in a very turbulent environment of my parents always fighting....and i feel that HEAVILY contributed to my choosing someone "safe". But i think i chose someone a little "too safe'.... Fast forward a decade and i started finding myself very attracted to other men and eventually became involved with someone else. Now, i feel like my only chance at a truly connected, romantic relationship is leaving and starting over. This is terrifying for me, as many my relatives and friends have moved away and i have never been alone. I know that's a poor excuse for staying an unfulfilling marriage though. I have wracked my brain, soul-searched, researched, gone to therapy...and i honestly don't think i can ever have a passionate relationship with my husband. It's been difficult to accept to say the least. The only thing that gives me hope is reading about others in the same position and how happy/relieved they were when they finally moved on. If this is you also....please continue to share. Your input is so helpful. 4 years ago
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