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  • JB Hello all- I've been married for 12 years to my second husband and am really struggling with the inner voice telling me it's over. I have no sexual desire towards him and feel our relationship is lacking any type of intimacy. He's a nice guy and everyone thinks so, but I am pretending and have reached a point where I cant do it anymore. I have 2 children from my first marriage but none with the current husband. I keep trying to convince myself that sex isn't all that important, but we just don't connect on anything anymore- I find myself day dreaming about buying a little cottage without him and starting a new life. I guess my fear is the hassle of the divorce process and the split process. But, I feel I've lost who I am and feel I'm wasting my years and time staying in this relationship- my kids thin he's ok but he's never really bonded overly with them- they are older (20&17) so at least that's easier. Arggh I guess I'm just rambling now I've been stuffing these feelings down for years now because he is a nice enough guy but I guess just not for me. 7 years ago   *   8 replies
    • Horridwife Sounds so familiar! I feel your pain, although I've only been married for three years, together for 8.5. I've never enjoyed sex but he is so good to me and I've never had anyone so nice and so stable. I let it go for so long but I crave it and it's so unfair to him, I know. He is so good...and I can't help how I feel, but I know how much I'm hurting him. Therapy isn't doing good. It's so uncomfortable and I feel so awful. I keep getting told to "keep trying," but I don't feel like I have it in me and I don't see it magically "getting better." Anyway, now I've done nothing but vent back to you, but I hope that you know from being on this site that you are far from being alone. I hope you are able to get some clarity and do what is best for you. You only live this life once...make sure you make the most of it! 7 years ago
    • JB sounds like we're in similar boats ugghh 6 years ago
    • ironjen This is so me, right now. I feel scared and nervous and like everyone will hate me but tbh he is 17 years older and i just feel no attraction for him. I have the same daydreams about leaving and I love when he goes away and I have the house to myself. What will you do? 6 years ago
      • JB We were close to separating (not legal in Florida though) and then I think the reality of finances scared us- this would mean selling the house, etc.. I have a great job but some bills that I rely on 2 incomes- also, my 17 year old starts college soon (another expense). He doesn't want to divorce (still loves me) but even after I said ok let's try again, I know deep down that it won't last and we're prolonging the inevitable. He's not a bad guy and I want no harm to come to him, he's just not for me- and I'm still daydreaming about not being with him! I'm contemplating sticking it out for another year to get my finances in order and have a better idea of college costs, etc.. this makes me feel guilty though :( uggh still unhappy. One last thing- he suggested that I "go off" on the occasional weekends to relax and take time for myself - thinking that would help- does anyone see that as backwards? Maybe because, like you IRONJEN, I love having the house and space to myself!! 6 years ago
        • ironjen I added my reply above, i didn't quite know how this worked. How do you feel about trying again? I feel like mine will say the same but I also know the outcome, like kind of you just know when you are done. The hard part is frightening but it won't last forever! 6 years ago
    • ironjen I think the idea of going off and taking time to yourself is a good one. You should take advantage of it because you probably (I do too) need some time to set up the circumstances to leave. Finances in particular, but I think I will use this also, like I would like to go on a retreat. Think about how to move forward, what action I should take to make the life I want. A year seems like a long time but a plan is a way to progress, know what I mean? 6 years ago
      • JB yes, just not sure if I tell him what I'm up to.... 6 years ago
        • ironjen I think not, it would just make for constant battles an accusations about everything you are doing, this is my feeling. A quiet determination to just take the actions I must to take to keep peace but plan for the future. Hard but necessary. 6 years ago
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