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  • Johninabq Hi everyone.. I'm new here. I'm still trying to figure out what cupboards and closets in this place work, but here's my story: On March 4th of this year, I arrived home to find my spouse of 29+ years (soon to be ex-spouse) in an "intimate situation" with an old boyfriend in our Seattle area home. It was the old boyfriend she had years ago before we met. The next day I found out that she had been seeing this guy for a while (months at least), and that she was filing for divorce. I had been a stay-at-home dad for several years, caring for our son who has autism. About two and a half weeks after that, I checked myself into a local hospital. I had not eaten since March 4th, I had lost almost 30 pounds, and I had no desire to eat. While I was in the hospital, she effectively kicked me out of the house. I'm not sure why, as far as I'm concerned she's the "bad guy," not me. She cheated, not me. When I got out of the hospital, I had no job, no money (she had moved money), and no home. I do not have any family or anyone in that community who could take me in, so I was about to go to a homeless shelter. One of my sons lives in New Mexico; he and my daughter-in-law offered to fly me to their home and let me stay with them while I get a job, get back on my feet, and heal. They've also loaned me some money to retain an attorney back in the old community. This has been a nightmare for me. In less than a month, I lost my marriage, lost my home, lost access to money, and I have felt at times like I've lost my mind too. I've had nightmares about seeing her in bed with that guy. I've started putting on some weight, but I am in need of serious healing. I love my new city, but this is probably the hardest thing I've ever gone through. 7 years ago   *   3 replies
    • Lilian Dear John, You sounds like a great guy. It's very noble of you to take care of your son with autism. I feel very similar to you. I raised 4 kids, helped my husband build a mulitimillion dollar businessthe question is will we stay victims, bought properties and maintained them...now he wanted the divorce and he is taking the money from the clients that I brought to the company...meanwhile I am getting an allowance...it's very natural to lose your mind in situation So what are your options? I wish I can help... 7 years ago
      • Johninabq Lilian: Thank you so much for your kind words. Sometimes I don't feel like a great guy. People tell me all the time that I need to stop feeling guilty for what she did and stop beating myself like I'm an egg. I do feel better about myself and am learning to not take ownership for what she did. I'm coming to the understanding that if she's blaming me for what she did, then she's just feeling guilty and lashing out at me because that's the only way she can deal with it. I'm making improvements. I've been journaling a lot, and spending a lot of time in reflection, thinking about how I feel and how I see life now compared to early March. There's been quite a big improvement. I had to go back to the Seattle area a few weeks ago to deal with some loose ends and I had to see my ex a couple of times. Please don't think I'm being disrespectful towards her, but when I saw her I would ask myself, "Do I want this woman back? Would I want to spend whatever years I have left with this woman?" The resounding answer in my head was, "NO." I'm enjoying being in the desert southwest a lot. I like it much more than I thought I would. I see the sun every day. It's warm every day (sometimes really hot). I love horses and there's horses all over the place. I'm with a small group of family members here who love me and I love them. I still have quite a lot of pain, and I still have nights when I cry as I fall asleep, but every day things get a little better, and I'm looking forward to spending a lot of time here going forward. I don't know if I'll ever be in a relationship again, but if I am I think I will have a lot to offer to the right woman, regardless of what my ex thinks. I am struggling with lonliness, however. I struggle with that A LOT. I don't know where to go or what to do to make friends. It's not as easy as it sounds when you've been married for as long as I have. Maybe I'll just get a horse, and dog and a cat. They won't betray me. 7 years ago
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