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alone
Hi I am new here. I really need to speak with someone. I am married 22 yrs with a little 2 yr old girl. Ive been married for a year and known him for 5yrs. Well I married for the wrong reasons. He was my first and obviously i was not but thats not the point. I liked the affection he gave me but i never really found our connection to be strong it was mostly sexual and i thought that was enough. i never fell in love with him and i don't know if that even exists. i can't really say i loved him but he grew very attached to me and i know he loves me. But i never found him interesting or admiring he has a high temper. i have tried leaving him because i feel he needs to find someone who loves him for how he is, but he gets very loud and dramatic and starts throwing things and says mean things that i just drop it. he can be very sweet and caring but i feel bad that I've never truly been attracted or loved him that i feel I'm empty inside in our marriage. i married him because we had a daughter and thats why i moved in with him, if i wasn't pregnant i would not have moved in with him. he is not a bad man but i can't say he is a great man neither. he has been faithful and tries his best at work. that is why i don't leave him because i think its hard to find a faithful man and someone who is not lazy. but i wonder if this is enough for me to be happy with him. i don't know what to do i feel like this is eating me alive. I've tried to be happy with him try to act like I'm very happy when i see him be very sweet and loving but then i get tired of acting that way and feel envious of people who say they truly love their partner in bad and good times and i can't feel that way. I've always wanted a good marriage to feel happy even though i know their is bad times but never regret to being married. i don't know if that even exists and i feel like a bad person sometimes because he says i am ungrateful and that i should be happy that he wants to be with me.