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  • eloise35 How do I leave? I'm living with my boyfriend who is overall a nice guy but around whom I feel I can't be myself. I have never had chemistry for the man and can't keep avoiding sexual intimacy. I'm not here to hear how I could possibly make it work. I have tried. everything. I just want to move out. The problem is, every time I've tried to break up with him, he talks me into staying. I cave in because I feel so sad seeing him devastated. But, I need to end this now, before we go on any longer. Before we get engaged or married or have children. I have broken up with him now 3 times and every time, he talks me back into it. I have found a place where I can go when I move out of his place, but I just need the courage and strength to tell him it's over and pack my stuff, even if he's heart broken or angry or both. It will be better for both of us. He needs sexual compatibility and I need to be comfortable in my own skin. How do I do this though? I've even considered moving out mid-day while he's at work, but I think that could be even more crushing and could really make any chance of good will for each other go out the door. How do I do this? 7 years ago   *   13 replies
    • Ms. Medusa Is severing ties and moving far away an option? If not moving far away, the cutting off all contact? I am totally serious, by the way. It's what my sister had to do. She left and went back because her now ex said he'd change and she didn't want to say she didn't try. Then she packed up and left for good and, apart from divorce proceedings, never spoke to him again. 7 years ago
    • eloisemay Severing ties and moving out is an option. I just can't bring myself to tell him that I am going and that we are breaking up for good (I've tried to do it three times now.) He is not a bad guy. He has his faults and in some ways, we aren't compatible. But he will not take, "it is over" for an answer. I can't seem to muster the courage to follow through...I actually have looked at signing a lease for October for a place that's a half hour from here. 7 years ago
      • Ms. Medusa Is leaving while he is gone an option? 7 years ago
        • eloisemay It is an option...but I am afraid it would be very hurtful to him. It would be really crushing if I left him like that. I am looking into my co-dependency issues around this. I just feel so desperate to end this and not be talked into "working on it" anymore. 7 years ago
          • Ms. Medusa It's nice that you are so concerned about him and his well-being, but what about you? 7 years ago
          • TDOG hurting this man seems unavoidable. he will be hurt!! acceptance of this will help you, :) 7 years ago
          • 10MICHELE62 I think he is intentionally taking advantage of your reluctance to hurt him and using it to manipulate you into staying. He is also not giving consideration as to what is in your best interests, only his, which is really pretty typical. But that kind of gives you permission to act strictly on your own behalf without making accommodations for his emotional state. In my opinion, it absolutely frees you up to leave while he's at work - he has left you with no other viable options due to his "not taking no for an answer". Do you really believe it will be different the next time you get up the courage to tell him you want to leave? Do what you have to do, sister, to get your distance. 7 years ago
    • TDOG you will have to go full "no contact". if you can't do it then there is something about this relationship that is drug-like and might need support. maybe look at where this inability to let others' have negative emotions come from. remember you are doing him a favor by leaving...sooner the better...... he can find someone with whom he is compatible!! 7 years ago
    • eloisemay Well, I managed to leave. I moved into another place. The days before, telling him firmly that I needed to move out, were devastating. We both cried a lot. I feel more at peace now that I'm in my own space. But, my heart still aches that I have caused him this much pain. It makes me feel like such a failure. We haven't gone no contact yet. Today I met up to get some more of my things and the waves of pain hit me again...and him. He believes we can still make it work. I am too chicken to say outright that it can't...I just hem and haw around the topic and say, "maybe it can work but maybe not..." I know it's time to rip the band-aid off and let him be open to another person coming into his life. 7 years ago
      • Lucy Good on you for leaving, especially because that's such a hard step and also with him talking you back the previous attempts. Please do try and be honest with him and tell him that you think it can't work. He really needs to hear that from you if that's what you believe, and the longer you delay, the worse it is for him. Good luck 7 years ago
      • 10MICHELE62 Sorry, new here. I commented on your old post before seeing this new one. Typical rookie mistake. Congratulations and well done. I know he won't believe it now but down the road, he will thank you for it when he meets the woman he's supposed to be with. This is the same thing I tell my husband and he doesn't believe it, either, but he will eventually. 7 years ago
        • eloisemay It's been a few months and still no regrets on leaving. I told him right after my last post 3 months ago that we needed to stop contacting for awhile. And it's been better since we haven't been in touch. It's been much better. I still feel sad about hurting him. And I do miss him occasionally, but I know I can't be in a relationship that's suffocating and lacking chemistry. Very good looking guy, my ex-boyfriend, but the chemistry just wasn't right. I hope that he does find the right person-- he deserves it. And I hope I find the right person too. Good luck to all of you. 7 years ago
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