How do you know when it's over? Married 10 years, two...

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fencesitting How do you know when it's over? Married 10 years, two kids. In and out of couples therapy, now both going to individual. I've been thinking about our marriage and where it is. I have changed and my partner has not. We talk about changing, but I am not sure the other side of this equation is capable. In some ways you are who you are. Sometimes I wonder how I will know when and if to call it done. I think I haven't been happy in this for a lot longer than I ever knew. Lately I've been thinking about a past long term relationship and having that realization, "this is just not going anywhere". I don't know that I am there yet. Bu tI feel like I'm inching ever closer. Also I've been in touch with another person and that individual is experiencing similar issues and been very supportive. We have not met face to face since being back in touch. And while my friend's help is not why I think about leaving it has opened my mind to the thought that I should be happier. The thing that complicates this is that if my marriage did end, I would definitely want to pursue something with my friend should that situation change as well. Sorry if this is a lot. My first post and I'm unloading. Thanks in advance. 9 years ago * 4 replies User reported
- TIMBUKTU I get it... Totally, do you feel clear on why you married your husband and why he isn't someone you would choose today? 9 years ago User reported
  - fencesitting Not 100% quite yet. I do feel that I very well may have chosen differently. 9 years ago User reported
- BELLA J. After my divorce, I started dating my friend, whom at the time was simply someone who I could confide in. Simply put, he was and is everything that I never had with my now ex-husband. Truthfully, my marriage was over and we were living in different states and had been for a year and a half. In fact, he had started dating other women. With that said, I started dating my friend as soon as the ink was dry on my divorce papers. I am much happier in this relationship, more so than any relationship that I've ever been in. I hated for my marriage to end, however, something better came into my life and I have no regrets. I knew that my friend was the right guy for me...we had this connection and still do to this day. Take your time and don't rush into or out of anything. I also suggest that even if your marriage ends, take the time to heal before your next relationship so that your baggage from your marriage won't flow into your new situation, because a divorce can be mentally and physically draining and sometimes we don't realize how much we're hurting from our previous relationship and inadvertently bring those issues into our new relationship. 9 years ago User reported
- tvgnus I feel your pain. I have been married 29 years and I feel I have changed and my wife has not. This is especially true about our sexual desires and needs. My wife is my best friend, but there is no chemistry. We have talked, but it has resulted in a "sexless marriage". Though many may see me as a bad person, I have been seeing another woman. We met for similar reasons. She is now single, and I want to get a divorce. The problem is that I have to wait until my son's wedding in February 2015 to make my intentions known to my wife. So, for now, I wallow in a marriage that is doomed. I know that there is hope when I can be with the new woman in my life who has very similar interests and desires (including sex). I wish you luck in figuring out a course of action. All I can add is that divorce is not an indication of failure. Think of it as an opportunity for a new life. I look forward to my new life soon. 9 years ago User reported

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