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confused
I am thoroughly confused and I will try to make this brief. I am not attracted to my husband the same way he is to me and I am not sure I have ever been. We have been married for 11 years with 2 kids. Together for 18 years. He was the first stable decent guy I dated and was sweet and romantic and treated me right and I think I fell into this trap of thinking that this was as good as it was going to get for me. I loved him and he always gave me an orgasm but I never felt that "wanna rip his clothes off passion" for him. I always assumed something was wrong with me. We dated so long that I think I was too afraid to break it off and start over. We went through a really rough patch a couple years ago and he said some things I wasn't really able to forget. He can kind of be an ass when he is stressed. And I am sure that I can be a bitch. But when we have sex I realized I never want to look into his eyes - I always want to keep my eyes closes. And I hate just making out with him. I get bored just kissing him - it doesn't do anything for me. A couple weeks ago a divorced dad at school kissed me - no we are not starting an affair although we are attracted to each other - but I was more turned on by that kiss than I have been kissing my own husband. And it's not just recently. Most of the time I am good at burying my feelings about this - I have a pretty good life and if I am not head over heels in love with my husband I guess that's my lot in life. But this kiss has me thinking I deserve that passion. My husband knows there is something going on with me. He can sense that I am not as into him. He has always sensed it and I feel bad.