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inertia
I can't believe there are/were so many people in the same situation as I am. I'm currently in the process of separating from my husband of 1 year after realizing that even after 9ish months of "trying" that I cannot stay with him due to lack of physical and emotional chemistry. He is my best friend and I do love him, but I haven't been in love with him for the majority (or at least half) of our 8 year relationship. I married him because I had no reason not to, and because I felt I "should" rather than actually wanting to. He was safe, comfortable. I hate that I did that. I chose intertia as my username bc I can't think of a better term for how I ended up here. I never addressed my gut feeling and my doubts over the last 4-5 years because they had no logical reasonings and I had many (what I thought was logical) reasons to stay. Looking back I can't believe how wrong I was. We tried to regain the romantic connection we had in the beginning, but the more we tried the worse I felt about how I was making him feel and how cruel I felt for essentially stringing him along. He's a great guy and he deserves more than I am able to give him. But I can't stop second guessing myself. Never thought I was afraid to be alone but I think I actually am. Trying to remember that in the end it will be worth it when we can both move on and be happy with people that are right for us, and hopefully we can eventually be friends again.