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  • yogabum I feel better reading all of these knowing I'm not alone. I've been married for 8 years but with him for 18 years. We have a 7 year old son. I knew from the start that thete was something not right about our relationship but I went on with it anyway. I treated his 2 year old daughter like my own when we first met. She is niw in university and we are very close. I always felt he was not the right match but somehow I thought we were perfect for each other. We fought alot but then made up...we enjoyed drinking and getting high together but then something happened. I went on a retreat and learned about Reiki and it changed my life. I came back and realized after taking my energy healing training that we were vibrating on two completely different levels and I had to leave him. This was after 7 years together. I found a job on a cruise line and moved to Europe to stay with my sister for a few months before my job started. He came to Europe and proposed and I said yes with a knot in my stomach knowing that I had jyst made a mistake. I know I sound pretty flaky but I just couldn't hurt him he had come all this way...I gave up everything to come back home with home. We married a year later and I thought I was Ok. We didn't even have sex on our honeymoon. Sexually thete has always been problems. I became pregnant 4 months after we got married and it was all downhill from thete for me. I have lost any feeling or desire for him and thete is no doubt in my mind I want out. I have been on this journey as a yoga instructor and you begin to look within and I realized that I have been lying to myself for sp long thst I don't like the person I've become. he's a good person and deserves to be happy and so do I. In my mind I'm already gone the only thing I am struggling with is guilt of having to hurt him and the fact that my child is going to be devastated. I can no longer continue in this marriage and I need to get out as I have also been getting sick alot lately from all the stress. How do you leave a good person? It would be so much easier if he was a lier and a cheater! I want to live the rest of my life authentically and I get excited about a future without him in it. This is no way a marriage should be. I don't want him to touch me and I feel nauscious when he does. My family and friends have been hearing me cry for years about my unhappiness and I realize it's my fault for ignoring my instincts earlier on. 8 years ago   *   12 replies
    • regalone39 Omg.....I feel exactly the same way. I would totally leave now but I have to get some things cleared up financially before I do. I'm hoping for late fall. It's just not right for anybody to stay in a marriage that's dead. I cringe when he calls me honey. I can't confront my husband with my feelings because I don't want to work on it and things will go bad when he finds that out. Although after the sh*t he pulled last night, I may have to get the hell out sooner. That's another story. I left 3 years ago and came back out of fear not love. I knew I made a huge mistake then. It's absolutely freaking terrifying, the thought of being alone. But the thought of being free gives me hope and strength I can do this. You're not alone. My friends and family are sick of listening to me too. Lol. 8 years ago
      • yogabum I literally just dropped the bomb an hour ago. he's pissed and threatening to take my son full custody. he says he's gping to make it hard for me. I'm panicking a bit but heart feels I've served it right. He was really mean but I guess I saw it coming. He even kicked the por cat out of the way. What does the cat have to do with it? the only thing I'm afraid of is him taking my son but he can't do tat right?? I meant to go see a lawyer before I told him but he started asking me I told him. 8 years ago
        • regalone39 Try to keep your cool and get a lawyer. I'm not sure how custody battles work but unless he can prove you're am unfit parent, I don't see how he can get full custody. He may just be talking out of anger too. Do you have somewhere safe you can go? Him kicking the cat worries me. Do you have friends/family for support? 8 years ago
          • yogabum I live in Ontario and yes unless I'm unfit then I'm sure he can't do that. Still the thought makes me shudder. He is being very unreasonable and blaming me for breaking up our family and he's leaving it up to me to tell our son what I've done. I have my parents very close by but I'm not going anywhere now. Hes not going to touch me don't worry but he does have an ugly temper. This is just the beginning and I'm already pa nicked. .I'm going to keep my head up and remind myself of how I got here. 8 years ago
          • yogabum I'm sorry it's been all about say you left and went back and regretted it? It's because you lied to yourself and your gut was saying WTF!!! I should have listened to my gut long ago instead here I am. Don't second guess yourself if you feel it's over its over. 8 years ago
            • regalone39 Don't apologize. I know it's scary. You're going through what I will be soon. Good luck and please keep us updated. 8 years ago
            • regalone39 And you are sooo right about lying to myself. I'm really saying WTF? now. Lol. 8 years ago
        • regalone39 How are you doing? I hope you've made some progress in moving forward. 7 years ago
          • yogabum Hi sorry I've been away from this site for a while. I tried to stay settled (again) after he broke down and his dad had a chat with me...I felt vulnerable and gave in. I knew it wouldn't last. Hete I am again. I am so tired of him and we fought last night about finances...again. We are both working and he's obsessed with money. It's all he talks about. I want out so badly I can't stand it. He threw a pillow at my face in front of my son. How are you? 7 years ago
            • regalone39 I'm so sorry : ( Tension is high here as well. I dont know how I'm going to continue like this. This marriage is so dead weve hit the rigor mortis stage of death. I need to have some money stashed before I leave so thats really what the hold up is. I'm aiming for spring now. I can't chicken out again. im going to be 41. Life is passing me by. I dont want to lose more time when I can be happy. I feel like I'm living in an emotional prison. I hope you can find a way to leave. You don't deserve this and neither does your son. 7 years ago
    • plasterdust Depending on your income, Ontario has free legal advice and also sliding scale mediation services (which means saving lots of cash on lawyer fees, plus working out your own custody/financial arrangements). Pulling the plug is ridiculously hard but know that it doesn't have to be a crazy lawyer battle, follow your excitement when you are ready! 8 years ago
    • eloisemay Wow, Yoga, our stories are so similar in regards to coming to a realization that our significant other is not the right guy even though they are good guys. It's very painful to think of hurting the other person but knowing that neither of you can continue down the same path. I am struggling deeply with telling him I want to move out. I've tried to break it off a few times but he talks me into staying. Someone posted in response to my post that hurting him was inevitable. So do I want to delay the pain or go through it now. I see a light at the end of the tunnel. I see the dreams I've set aside to be in a "good enough" relationship. We both deserve better. He's the best man I've ever dated and I thought we would get married and have children. But I know there's a certain connection missing, and although he is good looking, I do not enjoy being physical. Perhaps some of my own issues in there but regardless, all I can think of is leave, leave, leave. 7 years ago
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