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babs
I have been married for 5 years with two small children. When I got married I moved out of my home town to a new state to be with his family. I became pregnant right away. Right before my first child was born I lost both of my parents tragically. I became an orphan and a mother all at the same time and it was so hard. My husband was supportive but he didnt know how to deal with the situation and either did I. I put all of my time and effort into being a new mom and stuffed my feelings for the loss of my parents so far down. I stopped wanting to be around family and friends because it made me sad. I got pregnant again a short time later and believe I had some post pardum depression with my second one. My husband and I stopped communicating and began to grow distant. We barely had sex and when we did it was a chore. He began to change and began to have a chip on his shoulder with everyone including me. I began to get resentful that he still had all his family and friends and his parents. I felt extremely alone. All the people that I knew were people I met through him and I was having a hard time developing relationships with them because I was so depressed. My husband would want to do things and I wouldn't want to do anything. I tried my best to make plans and be around people but I would end up feeling stressed out and pissed off. My husband was a social butterfly and he would go off and leave me by myself when we were out with friends. I used to be very outgoing but it became very hard for me to have small talk so most of the time I just felt uncomfortable. I talked to him about this all the time but nothing changed. I was so sad in my marriage. We started doing things separately. If I had to travel for work or to see a friend I would go by myself. I attended weddings and events by myself and for the most part so did he. I was more and more resentful and unhappy and praying that something would change because I didnt want to live like this. This couldnt be what life and marriage was supposed to be like. I talked to my husband and he would say when the kids get older things would be different. We didnt have anyone that could watch the kids, we didnt take vacations with out the kids or have any quality time together anymore for years. We didnt put any effort in to our marriage at all. I would see him with his friends and family and how he would be fun and outgoing and chatty and how he would try to impress them and it made me feel that they were more of a priority then I was. The two of us were stressed out all the time and he would snap at the kids or when we went on family outings he would seem miserable and grumpy and I would be left feeling empty and pissed. I finally decided I couldnt take it anymore and I asked for a seperation. He didnt want it at first but agreed. He lived in the house for a few months but slept on the couch it was so uncomfortable. He finally moved out and I felt relieved. A few months later we tried a few therapy sessions, lots of tears but no reuniting. After several months we both met other people and are now dating. I am happy with my new relationship but feel so remorseful and guilty for the kids and feel that I didnt try hard enough to make things work in my marriage. I told him I wanted to work things out and try again and he has told me no, he doesnt think he can make me happy and he is happy with his new relationship. I am really having a hard time and I dont know if I truly want him back or if these other feelings of guilt and remorse and possibly jealousy for his new relationship are making me feel that I want him back. He is an ok dad, but he doesnt go above and beyond. He sees the kids every other weekend and doesnt offer me much help. I am completely alone with no friends or family in this state and doing everything by myself unless I pay someone to help me.
Can anyone relate or offer insight?