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  • brooklynblue i know deep deep down my marriage is cooked but the idea of disrupting the sweet family we have created makes me so ill. gotta say, i'd almost rather HE left me than be the one that pulls the trigger. something strangely easier to me about being the victim rather than the perpetrator. 10 years ago   *   9 replies
    • Spikebee It can be difficult, but what is right is right. If you can both agree to let the kids come first, it can work out. If one party (or two) is bitter it can be a real bummer for all. 10 years ago
    • SallyAlexis I understand this! I didn't want to pull the trigger either, but men will hang on until bitter end and act badly. I finally did it, and I am glad! but it is still sad on holidays. 10 years ago
      • brooklynblue my man didnt act badly, he just so wanted the fantasy of "us" to continue..... it was just so sad. how are old are your kids @SALLYALEXIS? 10 years ago
        • SallyAlexis My kids ate 23 and 20, a girl and boy respectively. Same thing here. He wanted to come to the house and hang with me and the kids like all was well, but didn't want to deal with the everyday crap. 10 years ago
        • plasterdust Good Lord it's tough to be a man, I was taught my whole life to endure until things worked out! How do people just flip the switch? Men and women alike? 9 years ago
    • ardentdreams If you stay for any reason BESIDES love then you will just continue down a road of misery. If it can be genuinely worked out then by all means! Maybe a getaway to literally get away from your current environment and see if in a more relaxing setting that details can be hashed out. If not then its time to end it. There's no sense in prolonging a relationship when the flame is out. 10 years ago
    • Unsure I've pondered this myself many times but I'm still not sure what to do..... 10 years ago
    • REASONPASSION While certainly "marriage" and "family" are two separate relational dynamics, to say that one is fractured while the other one is perfectly healthy sounds like there are things being ignored. At the very least, since both are occupying the same space, there is overflow between them, which means the pain and messiness of the marriage is effecting the proclaimed sweetness of the family. One of the most difficult things to come to terms with in connection to shifting any form of relationship is how it inevitably effects all the other connections in your life and has been effecting them longer and in more ways than currently acknowledged. Focusing only on one to the exclusion of others is not doing anyone any favors. 9 years ago
    • Mister_e Not every man acts badly. Such a dumb stereotype like many other stereotypes that may only be 30-40% true for that demographic. However, it is a legitimate fear and concern for women to have. There are more than enough douchebags out there ladies. I am a very laid back personality and always have been even with the home life I am enduring. My wife actually wants to get a rise out of me and the only way she is able to get that satisfaction is if she acts badly towards me and just continues on and on until I snap. Anyways...yes I too felt and still do feel that my marriage is toast. Done. I actually wanted out years ago and was about to serve the papers because that is actually what she told me she wanted. However, as usual it has always been a weak reconcile as she basically tells me it would be too hard for her to handle things on her own and she attempts to be someone else for a short period. I being dumb and unmotivated to move along allow this reconcile year after year. I basically allowed this to repeat year after year because I wanted to keep the family together for the kids. Especially when they were younger. Not only do I feel that kids have better opportunities and chances when there is a structured family but I also could not bare to go a few days of not seeing them when they wake up. Now they are both in high school and they are catching on to the marital relationship. My kids constantly check up on me emotionally and the oldest tries to get me to talk to him. I can only give him so much details as I don't want to speak ill of their mother even if I feel like these are truths. As they are getting older I am seeing the damage that sticking around is causing. Our relationship is very solitude in which we have little to no social interactions with others. We use to but every time we are invited somewhere, my wife cancels with some excuse or another. I'm seeing my kids do that. They lack friend interactions and prefer to be prisoners in our home right along with us. I was hoping to last until the youngest graduates but I now feel that this is going to damage them even more. I still believe sticking it through during the younger years was beneficial and they are honor roll kids who participate in a few activities. As they got older the participation seems to be on a decline and I feel it is them being experienced in life enough that they can read and definitely feed off of the vibe in the home. I think it is time to give them two homes and hope at least one of them will be a safe place for them to be themselves and be able to live their life without tiptoeing around on eggshells. 6 years ago
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