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  • splitter I still get so nervous and upset if my ex-husband is mad at me for something. It's really hard not to turn on myself and hate myself too. I really give him a lot of power to control my self-esteem. Anyone else have this issue ? 8 years ago   *   6 replies
    • 7suellen ..not exactly the same, but i really understand your meaning. 3 years later, i still worry about what he thinks of how i sound or my attitude or my decisions about our kids etc. Really, try not to give him so much power over your feelings. its such a waste of emotion and time. My x never worries (or cared) about what i think of him. and i'm not being sarcastic or angry- Our couples therapist told me! i was told i came in to therapy, for 3 years, always worrying about him and what he felt and whether i was hurting him... She finally shared with me, that he had never had a moment or a session or conversation when he had worried about me or my well being. Enou gh said. That's the day i knew i was done being married. 8 years ago
    • plasterdust Yes. Same issue with giving power. I have a strategy that works: Identify physiological signs of nerves and tension. When I notice those signs I say it out loud to myself and/or partner, "Oh, this doesn't feel good. I feel super nervous." Then identify the cause in that moment. I notice that I set up unnecessary situations that lead to now I avoid those situations (sitting and waiting to talk when my partners favorite show is on...she knows I'm waiting...I know she won't talk...waste of time, leave the room). Passive Aggressive comments make me feel guilty. Now I just say, "Wow, passive aggressive! What were you hoping for with that statement?" and that acts as a pretty great deterrent. 8 years ago
      • splitter super helpful,thank you... when i used to say " i am starting to feel nervous" he would get mad at me. UGH. 8 years ago
        • plasterdust I've found I have to stand my ground and be okay with their anger for a while. Let him get mad and then just let him work it out, might take 72 hours or a few weeks. I find dancing when you say, "No, I'm not taking on your bullshit." then when he leaves all pissy you do the running man to "Gonna make you Sweat" for the whole song. This therapeutic dancing process will help you avoid second guessing yourself. Generally I'm being funny, but in this case I'm dead serious. The running man. 3 minutes minimum. 8 years ago
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