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NWINCH4
I'm married to a great guy, he's kind, funny, reliable and loves me above all else. We've only been married 2 years and I have absolutely zero attraction to him sexually, and can't remember a time that I ever did. I think I was so wrapped up in someone finally wanting me. Now I'm stuck wondering if it's better to stay in the relationship without that attraction and desire because I know he loves me and settle or do I go after physical desire on top of other characteristics and I risk getting out and potentially not finding anyone..
9 years ago * 11 replies
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12345 wow. i 100% identify. my choice was to push that feeling away, stay married for 10+ years, have kids and do the whole deal until i found myself attracted to other people and I realized that i had married for emotional security and safety but the "adult" part of me that is the sexual/erotic part of me had never been in the relationship. in fact, i think the fact that i WASN'T attracted to him is what made the marriage safe for me. 9 years ago User reported
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SUBTROPICAL THUNDER 100% x 20 of 23 years I can say just became more and more about our children than ourselves... The attraction just falls away ...for now...and now .... To find my marriage an irreparable structure that I really wanted to fix! But she's emotionally in love with a former cohort ...and seeing NO WAY to fix her mind , I'll just work on mine. 9 years ago User reported
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Justbreathe Did you stay married since you replied to this? 7 years ago User reported
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eA That poor guy, either try and figure out how to desire him, or let him lose so he can find someone who does. 9 years ago User reported
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RUNTRAILS99 I'm the same...married 12 years to someone that treats me like gold but I've never had any sexual attraction to, and never will. He wants to get counseling but I know that lack of chemistry is not something that can be fixed with counseling. I care deeply for him and wonder if lack of intimacy is worth leaving the marriage for when all other aspects are fine. I already know the answer to that but We are both having a hard time trying to peel away. 9 years ago User reported
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Justbreathe Please tell me how it played out for you?! I am in DESPERATE need of a light at the end of this sad, painful tunnel. 7 years ago User reported
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crossreeds exact same situation for me! married for just over ten years and i know for a fact that lack of attraction/chemistry is the root of the issue for us(me)... it is so difficult to accept...especially after investing a decade or more into a person....a wonderful person at that...but you know deep down that there is something missing. Sadly, it took me meeting and becoming involved with some one else to realize this...and i am so disappointed....I feel like a total failure...wishing i'd realized this much sooner into our marriage. would love to hear an update to how things went for you.... 5 years ago User reported
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metoday2015 Sex is what makes two people a couple, other wise you are roommates and anyone can be that. Sex connects you with someone in a way in which you do not connect with anyone else. You are at your most vulnerable. If you haven't felt this, you are missing soon much! You are missing the essence of attraction and connection with that human being. It is not the most important thing of course, but just as important and hearing and respecting each other. And is pleasurable and awesome! You would not be going out for physical desire, you want to find a connection through other things besides sex and through sex as well. It will blow you away! 9 years ago User reported
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metoday2015 If you are in love with him (different than you may love him), you can also seek a sex therapist to help you try to find that connection. It may or may not work. 9 years ago User reported
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CARRIE Same story here. 11 years and 2 kids later I'm wondering if "this is it?" Very confused. 8 years ago User reported
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Justbreathe NWINCH4-I know your post is from two years ago, but how did things pan out for you? Together still? Split up? 7 years ago User reported
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