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  • Ms. Medusa I'm recently-divorced woman in my mid-40s. In the year since, I have bought my own place, managed to keep my job, made new friends, and started over. I've done pretty well, so far. Except that I feel like I'm in a cocoon watching the world go by, feeling old and unattractive. When it comes to meeting people, I have done the usual things: joined a gym, joined museums, attended classes, gone grocery shopping, gotten a facial, lost 25lbs, rebuilt my wardrobe and kitchen appliance collection-I'm still working up my nerve to attend Tango classes-but I'm invisible. As for enjoying my alone time. most days it's fine but some days it's really difficult-like now. So, what did you do to heal? I feel stuck. He has moved on as well, although much faster than I. He started dating while we were still legally married. He has found someone new and she and her children and dog are moving in with him next month. We haven't been divorced a year. I don't love him. I don't miss him. I resent that a man who would start conversations with you know what's wrong with you? can find someone so quickly. I haven't had so much as a coffee date. And, yes, my rational brain is telling me it's too soon, I'm still in mourning, I'm not ready, but my irrational lizard brain wants to punch him in the face-again-and run off and get laid. So, about that healing? What did you do? 7 years ago   *   4 replies
    • Katylou Hi MsMedusa, you've done all that in a year, wow, you've done more than pretty well. Keep going. I left my husband 2 years ago after 25 years together, I was 49. I spent the first year in a rented house with my youngest child who was finishing school. Now that she has gone to University I have had to move to a tiny place, so I can support her rent too. I have changed jobs and taken a pay cut to do something more worthwhile. At each stage I have had moments of feeling powerful and happy, interspersed with real doubt and pure terror.. Last week we finally sold the family home and I am back in the horror zone, hence the sad as f&*k today. I don't want to be back and married, but like you feel invisible, unattractive and unloveable at times. It's when I view myself through the eyes of a judgemental world or buy in to those images of perfect couples and families. The worst part is the guilt about what I've "done" to my (young adult) kids by breaking up their home. So, what am I doing to heal? A year is not enough time. I am hoping that by 5 years the wounds will be healed. In the meantime, I concentrate on what is good in my life, create a bit of beauty in my surroundings, force myself to do some things that I don't really feel like because getting out always pays in the end. Taking care of yourself is so important, I run a bit. you are doing all the right things, have faith, you aren't on your own. 7 years ago
      • Ms. Medusa Thank you KATYLOU. I'm cycling in and out of anger and am having a hard time moving on. Although I did block and unfriend the ex today on facebrain. I'm beginning to think facebook is evil. 7 years ago
    • Cloughie I am sure this will be me. I've got no advice, just wanted to say I hear you. 7 years ago
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