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GUNNER
I've asked for a divorce and he's refusing to leave the house. Citing the kids, but really at the heart of it, it's money. House is mine. What the hell do I do? He's done a total revision on out relationship and considers himself blameless which is so frustrating and leaves me with no way to have a conversatio
9 years ago * 9 replies
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Splitsies what a second.... how is the house yours? do you have a parenting plan in place? have you seen a mediator together? you need to see a mediator and set up a parenting plan so you each know, and more importantly...so your kids know what the plan is!! it really doesn't matter who is to blame!!! it's a business transaction now. parenting and finances. 9 years ago User reported
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Moving_On I am on the same boat. He refuses to leave and claims money is an issue. We do agree on parenting but is all about money for him (I am the breadwinner even though he is very well educated and capable of working). All he says is you figure out what to do. and how we can start living separately cause he does not know what to do. So frustrating, ... 9 years ago User reported
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GUNNER We re seeing a mediator on Monday. The house is mine as it's bought by me, in my name and I ve paid for everything. His money goes to his fancy car clothes and dinners with his new girlfriends. He dials in to half the basic kids expenses. Parenting wise I have said that I will never stop him seeing his kids. He can come for dinner, tuck em in, take them out, have family trips to the beach, all together, we can keep a normalcy for the kids at all times. I don't see how we can move forward in to whatever our new lives could be if he remains in the house. Also what am I teaching my kids? The tension is tough and I hate them being around it. It's not easy being asked 'of this jacket looks good' before he heads out on a date... He rarely wanted me but is happy to be enjoying others. Am I supposed to just grin and bare that? For the rest of my life? I don't hate the man but I will if we are forced to live cheek by jowl forever. 9 years ago User reported
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dynamic I have a friend in a similar situation right now. From a legal stand point, there is not much you can do until the divorce. You need a court order to get him out. 'You made your bed now you must lay in it' as people sometimes say. Now the marriage isn't working out but you can just up and change your mind about everything. It's a process. Now for his behavior, like many, you are being mentally and emotionally abused right now and don't see it. That alone may be able to get you a court order for him to vacate until the divorce. You are allowing his actions to affect you. I'm not saying it's easy to ignore but because of his position (having a new girl and dating while you are not it seems), he can dish out his subtle abuse. Hopefully you take what I'm saying serious and start to do something about it. Getting under another man is a good start! :D Seriously, it is. He's just rubbing it in your face but men are territorial and if you start dating, that attitude will likely change. Classic textbook woman tactic. 9 years ago User reported
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Funnybout It might be an awful thought, but if the house is defensibly, legally yours,.....sell it. Move to a new spot and if he wants to stay in it he has to buy it. I bet as soon as the first prospective buyers shows up he starts suddenly being willing to negotiate. Your giving him more power than you realize. 9 years ago User reported
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GUNNER Update is I ve filed for divorce now. He's not happy but is focused on the mediator and who gets what. It's going to be tricky as I think he believes he's owed more than is legally required as I am protected. Am really really hoping I don't have to sell the house as it's such an upheaval for the kids on top of all that s happening anyway. Hoping to give him a lump sum of sorts and hope he sets himself up well somewhere close for the kids. Have been super mellow and trying to preserve the friendship as we ll be parents for the rest of our lives. Am so tired, walking on eggs shells while trying to keep doing the 'right' thing has drained the hell out of me. Unsurprisingly I guess. What keep s me happy is that through it all not doubting the decision to end it at all. Not at all. Even when he discusses his dates or asks me for clothes advice before going out, it oddly doesn't hurt in the way I thought it might. Glad he wants someone, even if it's not me.. Mad really 9 years ago User reported
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Moving_On I mentioned it before, but i am in the exact same situation. He thinks that everything that I have achieved so far is because of him, so after the divorce he deserve that I pay for all his expenses until he retires. It is all about money for him now and it has made me lose all respect for the father of my kids and then man I was married to for 13 years. Same as you, I am now 100% sure on the decision to divorce him. I we are close to an agreement, after much pressure from me that I am not giving him more money than I am already promising him, no matter what. Otherwise I will see you in court. After all I can afford the court (as I am the breadwinner) while he cannot. But, i am sure next time we discuss he will find something else or more money to ask for. I can't believe I was married to this materialistic man ll these years. Good luck to you on your divorce. It takes one day to get married, but years, a lot of pain and a lot of money to divorce. :( 9 years ago User reported
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GUNNER It's the loss of respect that is so hard. Hope first, then respect... Found him sending documents from my advisors and financial people to himself at 1am. Who does that?! He's a great salesman and I now feel like I ve been 'sold' the good guy for years and now the blinkers are off, it's so transparent- all his moves- literally unbelievable. People show you who they are, not tell you.. It's heartbreakingly disappointing and am livid and sanguine in equal parts.. No wonder we feel crazy at times. Papers are filed and I can't wait til I am technically free. Dreading finding out how much he thinks he's owed for a life of being looked after, emotionally, financially... Ugh. Someone made me laugh they other day when they reminded me that marriage was created at a time when you didn't live past 40...! 9 years ago User reported
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musicgirlcali Sorry for your troubles, but, your post has been extremely helpful, wanting a divorce but, partner won't leave ...blames money, the kids , you figure it out, same story, different partner. Hope it all works out. Really appreciate everyone's experiences here. Amazing to not feel so alone with the threats I receive everytime I bring up divorce , the whole house shakes, it is abusive and soon enough , he will understand , he cannot do it to me anymore. Whew..feels good to get it out.. 9 years ago User reported
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