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  • breakfree I've been married for almost two years and have been considering divorce for almost half that time. We don't have any kids, we haven't had any adultery issues (that I know of), we've just drifted apart. We don't live the same lifestyle or seem to have anything in common anymore, and the sex has always been less than spectacular - now, I can barely stand to touch him. I have my first online session with a counselor tomorrow, I just can't stand the idea of discussing this with any of my friends or family. Anybody have any advice on what to expect from counseling and/or questions I should ask? 9 years ago   *   5 replies
    • SVONE ask if a relationship is retrievable if the sexual/physical connection was never there. also - try and get to the root of WHY you married him. there was a reason, if you can figure that out, it till really help understand why you made that choice and why it is no longer a choice that works for you. one question though - why on-line?? are you in an area where there isn't good in-person therapists? 9 years ago
      • breakfree I'm using a military resource which allows the option of telephone, online, or in-person counseling. For now, it's baby-steps for me, just having an outlet to talk to someone is enough. Thanks for responding, you've definitely given me some things to think about. 9 years ago
    • splitter @BREAKFREE unfortunately friends, family and culturally in general, dont seem to really understand that the complete lack of sexual/physical/romantic impulses within a relationship are dealbreakers. there is so much emphasis on being "best friends" and being able to "be yourself" in your marriage but i am sorry the sex IS important. i mean, this is supposed to be the ONE person you have sex with in this life... i better be fucking good... right? culturally we are so fucked up about sex that we dont allow ourselves to admit how unhappy we are in that area. and then we minimize it's importance and think we are supposed to just suck it up. i say NO WAY. life is too short. you have no kids... i would look hard to see whether there is a reason the formal commitment of marriage diminished your desire so greatly, there could be some answers there.... but if it;s truly that your connection with this man is not sexual in nature, maybe you can cut bait and move on ? 9 years ago
      • breakfree you've hit the nail on the head. We were friends for several years before we decided to date and later get married. I met him when I was 18, and while I didn't wait until we were married, he's the only person I've had sex with. It seemed like a good idea to marry somebody who was my friend, but more importantly, someone who's family i was already close with (his sister and I were friends long before he and i ever met). I think I underestimated the importance of sex and physical attractiveness and am sincerely paying for it now. How are you handling this issue, especially with kids involved? 9 years ago
    • FAUXHOUSEWIFE Sex was a big part of why I knew our marriage wasn't working. I figured since there was a tremendous physical attraction between the two of us as soon as we met, that would never be an issue between us. When we didn't have sex on our wedding night, that's usually a bad sign though! I think we just had different expectations about married life sex. I expected almost every day...he was too tired and I think mentally not there. People do like to trivialize sex but it's a huge deal. 9 years ago
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