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erinnn
kids with dad this weekend, really missing them and feeling guilty. help!
10 years ago * 11 replies
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Unsure You shouldn't feel guilty if it's his weekend. Just try to relax and maybe watch a movie or read a book 10 years ago User reported
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splitter i get this way when i am feeling down - i miss them so badly!!! i worry that my son is mad at me for not wanting to be married to his father anymore. 10 years ago User reported
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eliza twine This was for me the absolute hardest thing about splitting! You have to learn to let go during periods they are with their dad-I found myself so miserable those first weekends without my kids that I decided I needed serious distraction. So, I volunteered to trail a few friends with really interesting, action packed jobs. One was a friend who works as an ER doctor on the night shift in the South Bronx. That was absolutely helpful in shifting my perspective and just opening up my world in general. Not only did it distract me utterly from my (relatively) petty miseries, but gave me excellent adventures to relay to my kids when I saw them next. 10 years ago User reported
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splitter love that. i bet you seemed like an absolute HERO to them for doing such interesting stuff on your own. 10 years ago User reported
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Anonymous Hang in there! I will never get "used to" being without my children, but I have learned to try to use that time for myself, catch up with friends, get to a yoga class (and if I don't make it I'm not hard on myself), unplug, do a load of laundry, etc. I have also learned to tell the children "have a great time" instead of "I will miss you" which can effect them in a negative way. Good luck! 10 years ago User reported
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SVONE thank you. and you are so right.... "i miss you" can be very damaging. 10 years ago User reported
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mwaters The guilt gets better. It comes in waves but over time those waves get smaller and smaller. The missing, for me, has never gone away. I still miss my daughter terribly when she's with her dad. But sometimes it is totally lovely to have some time on my own. Sometimes. 9 years ago User reported
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WATERBUG I KNOW THIS IS AN OLD THREAD BUT GLAD TO SEE MWATERS SAY THE GUILT GETS BETTER. I AM STRUGGLING. I INITIATED THE DIVORCE AFTER FEELING UNSUPPORTED, MISMATCHED, AND WITHOUT A TRUE PARTNER AFTER 14 YEARS IN RELATIONSHIP. WE HAVE 1 DAUGHTER AND I FEEL IMMENSELY GUILTY FOR THE UPHEAVAL AND LEAVING HER DAD. HE WAS A TERRIBLE HUSBAND AND REMOTE FATHER BUT SINCE SPLIT HAS BECOME FATHER OF THE YEAR . I AM SO CONFUSED AND SECOND GUESS MYSELF AT EVERY TURN EVEN THOUGH I HAD BEEN THINKING OF LEAVING FOR AN ETERNITY. I THINK SEEING HIM CHANGE HIS COLORS WITH HER MAKES ME THINK THERE MIGHT HAVE BEEN HOPE THAT HE COULD BECOME A TRUE PARTNER IN MY LIFE.....SIGH WHAT A MESS. 9 years ago User reported
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WATERBUG Sorry for all caps! 9 years ago User reported
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Emkosal I know this is old, but there's a chance... this is my life right now. I left a horrible relationship that was full of lies and abuse and neglect and cheating. Tonight is my first night without my daughters (he has 3 nights every other weekend) and I am dying. I have never been away from my kids and my heart hurts so badly. I'm glad that he is actually taking care of them- something he has never done before. He's suddenly father of the year. Can't imagine it will last long. I am regretting leaving. Why couldn't he be so good with me? 6 years ago User reported
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LIFEISBEAUTIFUL Omg every time my husband and I fight he becomes father of the year (that's exactly what I've called it for years) to my daughters! As soon as him and I are fine, meaning I sweep it under the rug and pretend our marriage is fine, he reverts back to being the a------ he always was! I told him I want a divorce he hasn't left and I am living in indifference. I see the pattern with mine so don't second guess yourself! 8 years ago User reported
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