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Moving_On
Like going through the divorce is not stressful enough. As I am still negotiating the divorce terms with my husband (he is taking his sweet time, just to get to me), I got in touch with a really good friend from the past. Since the first moment it was intense and I felt like I got back my best friend. Then things got flirty and he kept saying he wants to be my my side and wait for me to get through this and then we can start our life together, since I was the one. I always brought up the fact that my divorce is not going to be easy and is going to take time for potentially us work out. Fast forward two months into this emotional whirlwind romance, one night he asks me to really not give up on us as one day we will make it work and the next night he tells me he has decided to go back to his ex-girlfriend and give her a chance to start a family together as he does not see how he can make it happen with anytime soon. It hurts so much. I can't breath. Why, do I have such a hard time move past this? I did agree with him in the first place that this has very slim chances of working. I just wished I never allow myself to be involved in such a situation. After being married for 15 years and now divorcing, I feel like I don't know how to handle my own emotions. Any advice, please? Will this sinking feeling go away soon?
9 years ago * 15 replies
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12345 i will totally get back to you on this!!!! but YES the sinking feeling will go away!! 9 years ago User reported
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Moving_On that's nice to hear 9 years ago User reported
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BELLA J. What you're feeling is normal. During my divorce process, my emotions were all over the place. I realized earlier on that I had become accustomed to companionship being that I had been married for 21 years. No matter whether we were in a good place or bad...I was emotionally dependent on him. So, I knew that getting involved with someone before or after my divorce would be tough for me, as well as the other person because my emotional baggage was enormous. I couldn't handle rejection of any kind. So, what I learned was that it's very important to heal myself...emotionally and physically. Take time to rediscover YOU!! Find your happiness and be happy within yourself...everything else will fall into place. One day you will find that special someone to love and be loved in return...I did and I am happier and more fulfilled because I took the time for me and not rush into another relationship. I know things will workout for you, just give it time. 9 years ago User reported
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Moving_On I agree with u Bella J. Although, I agree with the decision to let go of each other (I brought it up in the first place that I need to focus on my divorce), it was mostly the idea of the rejection that I could not handle. Losing something else, again. My emotions are all over the place. Today I realized that all these years I was always so worried about my ex-h moods that I never worried about myself. I do not even know how to take care of myself anymore. 9 years ago User reported
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exhusband you are mega vulnerable right now. its hard to trust. emotions are raw. you are feeling levels of rejection as well as the emotional torture of divorce. been there. still there. its not easy, ESPECIALLY the first relationship outside of the marriage. best advice--get out there. meet people. go on dates. go online. the goal isn't to find "the one" but you need to widen your circle and have fun again. not jump into the deep end right away where there already are emotional ties. you're not ready. 9 years ago User reported
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dadofthree bad idea to jump in with an old friend right now. get yourself in a good place. sounds to me like you were a bit of an easy target or "shattered divorcee" as the guys say.... 9 years ago User reported
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Moving_On that's what I am realizing slowly. I am not ready for any of this. I need to end this divorce first and meanwhile focus on myself. I am rallying all my friends and family around me right now, and that really helps ... Dating??? Sounds super scary right now :) Maybe one day will sound better 9 years ago User reported
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Moving_On OK, here I am a week after. It still hurts so bad. I can't control my emotions but most of all I can't let him go. I have this strong feeling that this is a really important relationship to me and it is wrong to not even try it out. Is this what love is? I don't even remember, there has been no love in my marriage for quiet a few years. Or am I just being rational and stubborn? I do talk to my friend once in a while and he calmly tries to explain to me that although he loves me things are too complicated now. We need to give it time, I deal with my divorce and he figures his things out. And after a while if we can move close to one another (did I mention we leave very far from one another) and we are still willing, maybe. You never know what future brings. Have I completely lost my mind? I must have :( Is the divorce turmoil that is making it so hard for me to accept this? I swear, I was always the calm one when it came to heart problems. 9 years ago User reported
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sirgrebma MOVING_ON - How have things progressed since this last note? Although I'm not as far down the path as you are, I hear some similarities. I've had an emotionally connection that has to end for me to move forward and it's been really hard at times to let it go. If you've made some progress, I'd love to hear what helped, what didn't and how it's gone in general. Are you still around to tell the rest of your story? 9 years ago User reported
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Moving_On Here it is: After all of that I tried for about two months to save the friendship with him. We stayed in touch, talked about once a week and shared everything in our life. I put only once condition on him, that he cannot tell me anymore how much he loves me and what he feels for me. He made his decision and it is selfish to keep me tied up to him emotionally. If he did that I could maybe focus on our friendship and make it happen. But of course, he did not. He would still talk to me about how he is unhappy with is girlfriend. He does not love her, and he just does things for the sake of doing them. And what he feels for me .... :( . So, after I kind of reached a deal with my ex-husband and I felt that my divorce was on its way, I wrote to him and asked him to not contact me again. He made his decision for us going back to his girlfriend, now I needed to move on and I couldn't do that if I still was in touch with him. It has been almost 5 months now that we have had 0 contact. He even closed his facebook account (which I appreciate actually). I feel good. I have moved on. It took a while though. Just a month ago, I could finally listen to our favorite song all the way to the end without skipping it. I wonder how he is doing and I hope he is fine, but I have moved on. 9 years ago User reported
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Stuckinla Are you divorced now? 7 years ago User reported
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Moving_On Yes, happily so. :) 7 years ago User reported
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Stuckinla So good to hear. I am finding it so hard to do the steps to make the divorce happen even though I know it is best for me because I am not really living a life now… just existing. 7 years ago User reported
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Moving_On Everyone has their own path to follow. I can only speak about mine. It did take me 2.5 years to finally make the move, but once I decided that was it. I couldn't think of reasons to stay anymore, only that I was done! 1.5 years later I have met someone (that my kids love also), my kids are doing great (sure there are days that are not perfect), but my oldest daughter is happy and she smiles and opens up to me. She never did before I initiated the divorce. I finally have a relationship with my kids, cause I do not waste my time trying to fix my marriage. They are my priority and they know it now. I never badmouth their father in front of them. I make an effort to have dinner with him for their birthdays. I invite him to their special moments, we sit together to their school functioning when we can. I try to show the kids that I can still co-exist with their dad and we can be there for them, no matter what my feelings for him. We are all stronger and happier. I hope you find your moment and inner peace. I am sure you will at some point. . 7 years ago User reported
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Stuckinla Thank you so much for telling me your story - it's very encouraging. Right now I am just beginning the emotional, legal, and communication processes of breaking up with my wife - and it feels so scary; wondering what bombs will drop each day, what emails and texts and such will come my way, surprises, how our two young boys are going to be… I know I am finally doing the right thing but so far it's not mutual and I hope my wife in her anger doesn't make it more awful for me and for the kids… 7 years ago User reported
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