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dainty2014
Looking for advice or notes from anyone who has gone through a divorce and then tried to or moved out of state with kid(s). Did your spouse give consent, did you go to court and win/lose, etc....? Just looking for someone who has been in my position and has gone through experience with this. Please let me know and tell me your story! Thanks!
9 years ago * 13 replies
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SVONE why do you have to move out of state? 9 years ago User reported
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SVONE taking them away from the other parent is not a very nice thing to do to your kids 9 years ago User reported
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dainty2014 Moved here for his job - no family, no real friends. This is why I would like to move back where all my family and friends are - support! He would be more than welcome to move back as well. Why do I have to stay here after he's the one that had affair, drinks and medicates with pot?!?!?! 9 years ago User reported
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RAN I guess the big question is, how far away is out-of-state? Then the other questions include: How old are the kids? Did your spouse get along with your family or does he resent them? Were you a stay at home mom, i.e., primary caregiver? Are you prepared to go through the guardian ad litem process if he puts up a fight? If he wants 50-50 custody, will you be able to tolerate him having the kids for a lot of vacation time, and a lot of the summer? 9 years ago User reported
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dainty2014 I am in California now and home is Arkansas. Kids are 9 and 4. Both families get along great (his family is in Arkansas as well). I was a stay at home Mom until 2012 (had to get a job to afford living in the Napa Valley)! I still have kids most of the time (70/30) during the separation. I'm prepared to fight if I have to, but would rather have him agree to it. I'm willing for him to have them during Summer and divide up holidays. I need to have a heartfelt talk with him, but I'm really nervous about it. We'll see what happens....... 9 years ago User reported
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HONEYBADGER Support is huge. You need that. But unless he agrees, the court will have the final say. They don't tend to agree with separating families if not necessary. Who has custody? If it's joint then he had 50% say. Sorry. 9 years ago User reported
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dainty2014 Just separated right now and haven't even filed for divorce. I have them most of the time (70/30) right now. Should I try to get sole custody instead of joint to help me out on the move? 9 years ago User reported
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dynamic From a legal standpoint, unless you have a job, you're unlikely to get sole custody. And you try to discuss it with him, he may just file his own case. Most states are now moving towards 50/50 (or mother as sole physical and joint legal. Each state may call it something different). Either way you decide, I recommend you be prepared for the aftermath. If you don't have a job, get one then talk about sole custody, but the state will not like that you are moving out of state. Now, you could just up and move and tell him "hey, we're back home. Come and visit any time!" That could work depending on who you're dealing with. You could make a private parenting agreement between the two of you. You can find a standard court version and modify it, but that's for people who have split but are still civil with each other. You got options, but without knowing more details, it's hard to tell you which direction would be better for you. I'm a legal consultant and deal with this all the time. But each case calls for something different depending on the parties personalities. 9 years ago User reported
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dainty2014 Thank you for responding! I have a full time job (since Sept 2013). We are both very civil to each other - he even helped me move. He just text me if I wanted any food from where he our kids were eating lunch today....I just don't know how he will respond to me wanting to move back to Arkansas and I want the kids with me the majority of the time (during school) but he is welcome to visit them anytime and have them for most of the Summer. 9 years ago User reported
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RAN So...you say earlier he would be willing to move back as well...?!? But assuming not really, or at least not now...don't you think he's already considered the possibility that you're thinking about it or wanting to move back anyway? It probably wouldn't be a big shock to him. And is your job transportable, or you can get another in AR? 9 years ago User reported
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dainty2014 Plenty of jobs for me in AR with a better salary and the cost of living is so much better. Great christian private schools for the kids. Could actually afford a nice big home with lots of land for the kids. :) I just need to get the courage to have a heartfelt talk with him and hope he sees and understands that moving back to AR, where our families are, is a good thing for kids. Wish me luck and any prayers would be welcome! :) 9 years ago User reported
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RAN Yes, good luck, good prayers for you. Don't look at it as if you have to wait to have the perfect setting, and the perfect set of circumstances, and the well-rehearsed convincing argument. Maybe just realize that the sooner you get it on the table, the sooner he'll agree. He'll either agree at the outset, or he won't. But if he doesn't right away, if you're firm, he'll likely come around after his initial emotions calm down -- a week, a month, 6 months -- maybe for next school year...but if you don't start talking now, you're delaying that outcome. You can do it. 9 years ago User reported
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dainty2014 Thanks! <3 9 years ago User reported
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