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  • dainty2014 Newbie - Here's my story and would love any feedback from similar experiences. I've been married 21 years and my husband had an affair about 3 years ago. This was 6 months after the birth of our 2nd child. It was with someone 18 years younger than him and lasted about 3 months. He ended the affair after I found out (from texts & pics on his phone) and said that he wanted to stay with me. After several counseling sessions, it came out that while he loves me, he is not "in love" with me anymore. I do not understand this and we have been working on the marriage to no avail. We finally took a break and slept in separate rooms while co-parenting and as of Nov. 1st he moved out to an apartment a few miles away. I gave him an ultimatum date to file for divorce, but I feel I have been very patient and just want to move on with my life. I feel like I'm going crazy with my thoughts and hoping that putting my thoughts down on this site will help me work some things out. Thank you for any help! 9 years ago   *   9 replies
    • splitter Couple questions- what don't you understand about him loving you but not being "in love" with you anymore? It's a very common thing. 9 years ago
    • splitter And what are you waiting for him to do so you can get on with your life? File for divorce or make appointment with a mediator and if he doesn't show up or deal... U can cross that bridge when u get to it. 9 years ago
    • dainty2014 Thank you for responding SPLITTER. I am hearing that the "in love" with you is very common, but does he know what true love really is - those exciting, butterflies in the stomach thing has been gone for years..... I'm just trying to give him space, so that I can say I did everything possible to make my marriage work - no regrets. This is a big decision after being "happily married" for 21 years and two wonderful kids. That is why I just gave him a month and then I'm moving on..... 9 years ago
      • alphabeta right. well… true love is so had to define. definitely not butterflies but you have to still be curious about the other person and feel somewhat inspired by them i think…. sounds like you are taking care of your self… i was the one that fell out of love in my marriage and left so i know that there is surely another story for him about what is going on….. like he dropped hints along the way about what he needed and you didn't pick up on them etc. i know i kept trying to ask for what i needed in mum arraign and my husband couldn't/wouldnt hear me until it was too late. the affair he had was definitely a symptom of something awry in your marriage……. did you guys dig deeper into what that was? affairs are usually symptoms of other issues. thing is…. often it's too late then because the chemicals have already started with someone else and it's very hard to turn the tide back. 9 years ago
        • dainty2014 I gave my everything to this man! Put him first in my life. I put him through college for not 1, but 2 different degrees after he decided he did not like what he went to school for first. Left my family and moved all over the U.S. - 10 times in our first 12 years of marriage. Sex was never boring or lacking. It was after kids (waited 12 years) and I began giving more of my attention to my son and daughter (affair happened when she was 6 months) that things began to change between us. I thought it was a good change, but I realize he didn't think so now. He loves the kids and is a good Dad, now. He had some anger issues after our son was born, but has since worked through that. He just can't say that he wants to be with me and he says he doesn't even miss me since we've separated. I think that's my sure sign that I need to move on and not waste anymore time on this person. I deserve someone that loves me for me and will not settle for anything less. :) 9 years ago
    • Team Splitsville welcome! 9 years ago
    • ddd Remember you are dealing with a guy who chose to cheat rather than come to you with his issues. There are 1000 reasons cheaters use to rationalize behavior that puts their own needs in front of their commitments to their families. There are also plenty of guys who are mature enough to work through and/or end a relationship before moving on. Obviously you've seen that even when you give your guy more "chances" he is still not able to put his commitments in front of him. That's the problem with your guy. Want to deal with that for the rest of your life? If not, move on while you are younger. It only gets harder as you get older. 9 years ago
    • LOSTGIRL This is a crazy life we are living. I hope and pray that you find some joy amongst the pain. I am working on getting my life back. Taking care of my dad, my dogs, and myself. Do you have any friends you can hang out with? That would help so much. God bless. 9 years ago
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