Separating, temporarily moving out, with young kids...how...

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sirgrebma Separating, temporarily moving out, with young kids...how have you managed that scenario? We are near the point where separation may be the only way I can understand if there is something inside me that feels any desire to stay married to my wife of nearly 10 years. The idea is to be away from her to see if life is miserable without her and if that's the case, then to find out what is blocking our emotional/physical connection so much that I am not wanting to save it now. She has said that I need to feel what it's like to be without her and the kids. My response has been that I need to feel what it's like to be without her, because that is what life will be like in the future...not without her AND the kids. So my question is, how have people tended to approach separation when young kids are involved? Are there any issues I should be aware of the separation process that could haunt me should we move to divorce? How have you communicated separation to young kids? Any thoughts on this would be hugely appreciated! 9 years ago * 7 replies User reported
- 12345 whoa i am so so so sorry it's taken 2 days for someone to reply... need more people on here! anyway.... i 10000 % agree that the separation should be from HER not the kids. that is absolutely preposterous and using the kids as collateral in a fucked up way. my ex and i "nested" for a few months... the kids stayed in the house and we found a little studio and we swapped time with kids. then we gave our marriage another try for a YEAR! then we separated for good. but we told the kids then that we were divorcing not just separating. i recommend telling them that you and their mom need to have a "time out" in essence. you need some space from each other NOT THEM... just like they need space from their friends too...... PLEASE msg me directly if you want to talk more... 9 years ago User reported
  - sirgrebma Thanks for the replies. I brought up the idea of "nesting" and she has since called me "insane" and "asshole" to her friends. I can understand her fear resulting in the asshole anger part, but learning this is how she deals with an honest and thoughtful approach to trying to save a marriage was just another nail in our coffin. I think it's time to call the lawyer. 9 years ago User reported
- splitter make sure you are with your kids A LOT. 50/50% if you can. you dont want to precedent by moving out. look into the nesting if you can convince your wife to do that... DEF talk to a lawyer before moving out. you dont know how psycho people can get when they feel rejected/abandoned. 9 years ago User reported
- brooklynblue DEF see the kids.... sorry but your wife is waaaaay off on that. 9 years ago User reported
- CARRIE Same story here!! I feel like I'm on a see saw. Do I just accept and settle?? Can I have more?? We are great at co-parenting and get along but the physical and emotional is gone. I don't think it was ever really there. It was more like " I'm 30 years old ...I should be getting married...and your not an asshole like the ones I've been dating ....so sure lets get married." Now 10 years later I'm asking myself isn't there more? Can there be more?? But am I selfish for wanting more?? And so it goes .... 9 years ago User reported
  - TIMBUKTU i was there...... except i was repulsed by my husband's body - not just disinterested. but we are great parents and he is a wonderful person. i felt SOOOOOO selfish but finally realized that not taking action to live life more fully was hurting everyone..... but of course my husband didnt seee it that way. he was angry and devastated. 8 years ago User reported
- SJAY Hey. I was just wondering how you're going? Did you end up going ahead with the separation? Your story reads exactly like mine. I am living the hell/purgatory thing. Despite fighting a lot my husband and I actually get along quite well but we are just friends and co-parents at best these days and there is a lot of hurt and resentment floating around on both sides (especially mine) I'm pretty sure I've made my decision to leave (it's been on my mind for years and really taken it's toll for the last 18 months) I think where I'm struggling most is having to hurt this guy who I've shared so much with and do still love. I just don't want to be married to him any more. But also and probably moreso I'm petrified he's going to turn on me. Be cruel to me and turn my two young girls against me. He can be quite manipulative and a bully. I'd really love to hear how everything is going for you. I hope it's working out for you either way and you've been able to gain some clarity. Take care :) 8 years ago User reported

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