So here is my situation without getting into the "story"....

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BKDAD So here is my situation without getting into the "story". Married for 15 years. Have 5 beautiful children from the age of 2 1/2 to 14. 3 days ago my wife tells me she had an affair and that she is pregnant. The baby is definitely not mine considering we haven't had sex in months. She does wants to keep the baby. The "father" is supposedly out of the picture. I feel that keeping this baby (she is 3 months pregnant) will completely destroy our children. I can handle the notion of cheating because our marriage has not been a healthy one. The pregnancy and baby without a father and our 5 kids I cannot stomach. I have committed to being there for my wife as best as possible. I know she is hurting a million times more than myself. Now is not the time for me to be an a-hole. I have accepted 100% responsibility for missing out on countless opportunities to make a difference to our marriage. Any thoughts, suggestions, or words of encouragement? 8 years ago * 12 replies User reported
- 12345 wow. you're being pretty awesome. why does she want to keep the baby? seems very destructive...... i had an affair and got pregnant... i did have a moment of wanting to keep the baby but realized it would be a complete disaster for all of us. 8 years ago User reported
  - BKDAD Thanks for taking the time to respond. Her logic is that she doesn't want to murder a child. While I disagree with her and know her choice will gravely effect her, our kids, this baby, and our immediate families- it his her body and choice at the end of the day v 8 years ago User reported
- alphabeta kinda want "the story"....... :) 8 years ago User reported
  - BKDAD Getting into the "story" might drive me mad. Trying to focus on what is going on now. 8 years ago User reported
- erinnn i think you are bring pretty cool about all of it...... are you planning on being the father to the kid and trying to get your marriage back on track or are you guys planning to divorce? 8 years ago User reported
  - BKDAD Erinn I don't plan on being the father nor do I plan on sticking around. It's a double whammy. 8 years ago User reported
    - brooklynblue Have you figured out the parenting plan for your 5 kids? 8 years ago User reported
      - BKDAD Nope. Meeting with an attorney today :( 8 years ago User reported
- plasterdust That totally sucks, you are going to get through this and survive man!!! I guess my only thought is, what are the kids learning if they are watching your wife have an affair and get pregnant, what would you want your kid to do if it happened to them? Even if they don't know, they know on some level. She made a choice and she has to live with that choice....you have to make your own choice based on your needs regardless of her needs (which she obviously had no trouble meeting on her own...). BOO! 8 years ago User reported
  - BKDAD Thanks for taking the time to reply. She doesn't want to tell the kids yet. She wants to have the baby and not say anything. The 3 older children are at sleep away camp for another month or so. Get divorced while she is pregnant (and she tells no one) than I am the bad guy leaving her while she is pregnant. 8 years ago User reported
    - erinnn @BKDAD. fuuuuuuckkkk..... that is kinda crazy. sory i no that's not helpful...... but jesus christ. 8 years ago User reported
    - plasterdust Oi! Making a decision that is the best thing you can think of for your own sanity and your kids sanity and stability is not being a bad guy or an asshole, it's taking care of business imho. If she can say, "I slept with someone while we were married and I'm having their baby," I'm pretty sure you can say, "I'm sorry I was not-the-best husband but I need my space and legal advice to sort out what is going on for us and our kids." Some people are going to think you're an ass regardless of what you do so may as well do the best you can. Good luck and keep us posted if it helps you! 8 years ago User reported

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