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  • Deedee So, I've been married for 11years in July.Forthe most part we get along really welly and have two boys we both adore. 3 years ago he had a 6 month affair with a coworker, I dealt with this, he got mental help, I addressed the fact that I had fallen out of love with him and become distant. After some lengthy discussions over 2 months we decided on a fresh start with a new house in a new town. So yesterday I found out he has again been cheating on me with a neighbour for 6 weeks... To be honest, I'm a bit numb. I have told him we're over and he has said he'll end his life if I kick him out. I don't want to be blackmailed but also don't want to deprive my kids of a dad. (He's a great dad) Feeling exhausted and like I don't know what to do next, I do love him but I can't trust a word from his mouth. He reckons it's his mind and mental health issues that were not resolved previously, I just think he's selfish...but not a bad person? Very confused, sad & frustrated to say the least! 6 years ago   *   3 replies
    • Rudy67 Hi DEEDEE, I THINK YOUR HUSBAND IS VERY LUCKY TO HAVE SOMEONE AS CONSIDERATE AS YOU. I HAVE BEEN THERE IN MY MARRIAGE. I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 8 YEARS TOGETHER FOR 16 YEARS, FROM THE START IT WAS ALWAYS MY WIFE WHO WANTED ME MORE THAN I WANTED HER. AND THINGS WERE GREAT BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED, MY BUSINESS STARTED TO FAIL INSTEAD OF TELLING HER THE TRUTH, I STARTED TO LIE ABOUT WHAT I WAS DOING FOR WORK AND KEEPING THINGS FROM HER THAT I NEVER USED TO. IT BECAME AN ILLNESS, I WOULD LIE TO COVER ANOTHER LIE. IN 2011 SHE GAVE THE BEST NEWS I COULD EVER OF HOPED THAT WE WERE TO BE PARENTS, WE HAD A BEAUTIFUL SON, WHO I ADORE. I THOUGHT THIS WOULD CHANGE MY PERSPECTIVE, BUT I WAS CONSUMED BY GREED IN THE BUSINESS I WAS INTO. IT ALL CAME TO AHEAD WHEN WE CAME BACK FROM A NICE HOLIDAY, WHEN STARTED STRUGGLING TO PAY THE MORTGAGE. THE CONSTANT LIES MADE ME GUILTY AND AFFECTED OUR SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP, I JUST COULDN'T AFFECTIONATE DUE THE GUILT I WAS CARRYING. I CAME CLEAN AND TOLD HER EVERYTHING, AS I WAS STARTING TO FEEL EMOTIONALLY UNWELL. SHE ASKED ME TO LEAVE AND TO SEEK HIM TO STOP THE LIEING, TO SAVE OUR MARRIAGE, AND TO GET A PROPER JOB. I SEEKED HELP BUT DRAGGED MY FEET A LITTLE ON GETTING A DECENT JOB, IN HER EYES. THEN SHE DROPPED THE BOMBSHELL IN MAY OF THIS YEAR THAT SHE'S HAD ENOUGH AND WANTED A DIVORCE. TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE I FOUND OUT SHE HAD JOINED A DATING WEBSITE THAT MONTH. I AM A BETTER PERSON NOW, I NOW HAVE A GOOD JOB, BUT IT'S TOO LATE. I WISH SHE WOULD GIVE THAT ONE CHANCE, SHE'S GOING OUT WITH SOMEONE NEW, I NOW KNOW THE PAIN OF LOSING SOMEONE THAT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME, AND IT'S HARD TO MOVE ON AT THE MOMENT. SO SEEING YOU GIVEN YOUR HUSBAND A SECOND CHANCE HE SHOULD OF BEEN BLESSED AND REALLY LOOKED AT HIS LIFE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO DO. BUT HE DOESN'T SEEMED TO HAVE LEARN'T! I WISH COULD HAVE ONE, I WOULDN'T MESS UP AGAIN, BUT THROWS US LESSONS, THAT YOU MUST LEARN FROM. 6 years ago
      • Deedee Hi Rudy, thanks for the insight. Yup, you would have thought he'd be grateful or maybe I'm a push over? I don't really know what to do for my family. I've said we will separate for a few months so I can properly get my head around what I'd like to do. I guess you have two options, move on with your own life and be thankful for the time you had with her and the child you created or try to win her back? 6 years ago
    • Jame He might be a great dad, but that does not make him a great husband, and it does not make yours a great marriage. Your children will grow up with that model for marriage (dad cheating, mom ignoring) because they will know at some point. They deserve better and so do you. As far as his threat to end his life, that seems a bit dramatic for a man who has had two long-term affairs. He's manipulating you. Don't let him. 6 years ago
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