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really pissed

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meh

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strangely happy

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  • SallyAlexis The holidays are a very sad time if your are split up, especially when you have children. The most difficult thing for me is that my ex insists on our adult children having a relationship with his girlfriend. This is very uncomfortable for my kids, and it makes me sad that he thinks he can create this artificial family. 10 years ago   *   5 replies
    • Daryll I feel like I am trying harder to get her to see the kids than she is herself. I have the kids and she lives about 90 minutes away . She has health problems and can't drive much and gets stressed easily which she says is bad for her. She saw the kids for three hours on Thanksgiving and only plans to see them about as long on Christmas. I have made repeated offers to her to stay longer, stay over, etc. She says she can't do it. I know the girls will be sad. I feel like I am trying... 10 years ago
      • SallyAlexis They are lucky to have you. I did this for years with my ex. He never made much time for the kids. Now they are older and is reaching out more. Better late than never, I guess. Hang in there! My kids thank me often for having a strong presence in their lives. 10 years ago
    • Happyhesgone Sally, I can really relate to this. My kids are adults, too. The only difference in my story is that my ex married the other woman, and so now they have stepsisters, etc. When I had kids, I never planned on having to share my life (and them having to share their lives) with someone who ruined a family (and she didn't do it alone, of course). But...it is what it is. Your kids are adults. They make choices. Regardless of whether ex 'insists,' they choose the level of participation with her...whether it's because they want to or they lack courage to do otherwise or whatever. It's up to them--because they're adults. As I've discovered, sometimes it's not as uncomfortable as we think it is or as they've told us it is. Sometimes they don't want to hurt us, so they tell white lies about their comfort level so we're still THE BEST, and Dad's girlfriend is LESS, because they know we'll be hurt and feel threatened, and they love us so much and don't want to see that happen. Ultimately, whether they have a relationship with her and make this 'one big happy family' or not, you're still Mom--always have been, always will be, and there's only one of you. So try to focus more on what they have with YOU. No one will ever take that away. Not him. And not her. 10 years ago
      • SallyAlexis Thank For the support. My kids are not happy with the situation at all! I remain neutral and supportive of their choices, as I don't want to stress them out. The thing that eats at me is that when my ex and I split up he said that he could marry any woman and the kids would replace me in their hearts. NOT TRUE! My kids are very loving an devoted to me. They have thanked me continually for putting them first. I am glad that I did. 10 years ago
    • Unsure If they are in fact adults then they should speak up and not feel forced. If they are uncomfortable with the situation they should remove themselves from it. 10 years ago
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