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really pissed

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  • SAD BUT NECESSARY We've been together 18 years married for 13. Found out he's been using viagra without me. He says its for masturbation. There has been other evidence of infidelity in the past. All of which he denies. There are other problems in the marriage. I have been in therapy for 6 years trying to make it work. He has gone to a few sessions but is less inclined to deal with his issues. Staying in it for the children but I am unhappy. We don't relate well, have had many blow up fights over the years. I'm tired and don't think I have anything left to give. Not sure what's the right thing to do. At what point is my happiness more important than my children's? 9 years ago   *   9 replies
    • sirgrebma I'm still married, on the cusp of separation and have had to think about your question a lot. What I've found helps is to realize that your children can be completely happy whether you're married or not. It's likely that if you're unhappy, you're not being the best "you" you can be for them and that may be more of a negative over the long term than them living and interacting with an unhappy you. 9 years ago
      • SAD BUT NECESSARY Thank you. 9 years ago
      • Stuckinla My kids are 6 and 8 and the awful tension in our house is impacting them. What you said is what I hope is true - that if I am a happier person because we finally split then it will ultimately be better for me, AND them. 7 years ago
    • Moving_On I feel like I can help a bit here with my case. I was in an unhappy marriage. I was so unhappy, that one day my mom said to me: "I can't wait for you to start smiling again. I don't remember last time you did." My marriage was not abusive, just we were not happy. I started the divorce procedure 3 years ago and stopped thinking about the kids. Thinking that they need a family with both mom and dad in the same house. Needless to say I was miserable and the kids became more and more quiet and closed up. I guess our unhappiness was very clear to them and they felt like they have to be unhappy to. Fast-forward. Exactly one year ago I finally told my ask that I am moving ahead with the divorce. The divorce was finalized 2 months ago. I am happy. I am really happy now. Even though my ex is mad at me for the divorce we have both made the kids our priority and they are flourishing. They are so happy now, they laugh, they speak up, they are open. We talk about the divorce and the new family that we now have. And I love seeing them doing so well. I believe now that our fighting and arguing and being upset and unhappy all the time was really impacting them much more than what the divorce is. Just my experience. Everyone has their own path to follow. 9 years ago
      • SAD BUT NECESSARY Thank you. This helps. 9 years ago
        • PERILIOUSBEHAVIOR Thanks for this thread. I am on the cusp of asking for a trial separation for the summer and have been thinking about a lot of things that you all have voiced. My plan is to move out for a couple of months to get some space. I'm actually thinking of going to stay with friends for a month or so out of state and to try to take my son with me. Trying to figure out how to discuss the matter with my wife. 9 years ago
          • jimneycrochet wont your wife object to you taking your son out of state? 9 years ago
            • PERILIOUSBEHAVIOR I don't know. I sort of doubt it. She's taken the kids to visit her parents for almost that long in the past when I've had to work. And I'm not planning on moving out of state, just going to stay with friends during a trial separation so we can have space to think. 9 years ago
      • jimneycrochet my boyfriend saying that anyone using viagra for masturbation is either stupid or full of shit. 9 years ago
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